you girls are totally right about my friend with the ed. she is a bitch. and she has always loved attention. shes like that. i think i'll stop feeding her ego.
the past two days have been shitty. i've eaten so much. well, like a normal person i suppose. i spent the 22nd with my girls at the movie, then yesterday and this morning with my boy. me and my boyfriend had a wonderful time. but at the cost of me gaining weight. *sigh*
i feel like i cant have them both. i cant be thin and have him.
im up. way up. i've been a steady 122 for a while. which is beautiful. but today.. today i actually hit 126. how the fuck does that happen? two days of over 1,000 calories and minimal exercise is how that happens. im so bloated from my period too. ugghh.
fuck.
i'll work out good today. i will burn 300 calories on strength and cardio. and then 100 on abs/core. yeah. thats my plan. i will for sure do the strength/cardio. and im hoping i can get my self to do the core stuff.
yesterday i measured myself, and i was down a whole inch in my waist and 1/4 an inch in my hips. though im sure thats not true today.
i want to be rail thin. i want people to worry about how thin i am. thats what i decided today. i havent cut the past few days. and i feel way less motivated to lose weight. i suppose its bad that cutting helps me want to be thin. but if thats what has to happen. then i guess thats what im going to do.
i have a nice big glass of lemonade, about ten calories, with big slices of lemon in it. its lovely.
i already ate too much today. why am i so stupid?
on a little side note, i realized, i hateeee purging bananas. they've got these little brown things in it when you eat them. then when you puke it looks like bugs in the toilet, to me at least.
today i had:
banana bread -200
yogurt-200
8 large strawberries- 45
grapes- 30
so 475ish
second semester of school starts tomorrow. this means i dont sit next to that boy at lunch. the one who is super fucking cute, the one who im making this painting for (im still not done with it). i am seriously disappointed. i loved seeing him everyday. i loved eating lunch next to him. i suppose this is good though. i was starting to like him too much. but it sucks! im sad now! i loved seeing him! now i wont get to see him AT ALL. and hes a senior. so its not like i'll have chances to see him during school next year. aww mann.
well, what i was actually going to say about second semester was that i got my final grades for it. im pretty pleased i guess.
chem- A
math- A
history- A-
foods- A
health- A
bio- B+
spanish- A-
english- A
thats all. i still have to fucking exercise. i hate my life. i want to be thin already. this is stupid.
i'll talk to you ladies later.
:)
keep it up! i wish i was as thin as you. luckyyyy haha
ReplyDeleteomg im jealous of your stomach and your grades! fml. i feel like such a failure. :P
ReplyDeletethe boy vs. food dilemma is always a problem in my book. i dont know how im gonna solve it this time around. good luck though! and im sure the 126 is just water weight youll soon lose.
<3
My goodness. Ugh, your stomach! I would kill for that.
ReplyDeleteAnd about your friend, I think you're making the right decision to stop stroking her ego. You'll be thinner than her soon, anyway.
Stay strong, lovely. You CAN do it, despite who's around. Just remember that. And there isn't anything socially unacceptable about healthy options.
<3
your stomach looks amazing. i cant wait to look like that. keep it up!
ReplyDeleteokay first, I could kill for your grades. I was stuck at 3As and 3Bs. :/
ReplyDeleteSecond, lady. I'm sad for your bloated tummy and excess calories. But hold the phone because you mentioned period! Which means that so much of that bloating/fat feeling will be gone soon. You know it's true :) Also, the pic looks way less than 126!
Third, find the boy. He sounds like a fun adventure.
Sending you skinny/non-bloat vibes!
What you've gained is probably water weight, don't worry about it. Just eat less salt, and more fruits and veggies and it'll be gone. :)
ReplyDeleteyou're looking so good hun! don't be too hard on yourself xx
ReplyDeleteI think you're lucky to be that skinny, but if you're strong enough you could always try fasting. Try to start off light at first, then go for a little while longer (with eating days in-between of course).
ReplyDeleteIf you're still not sure, think of Ghandi. He managed 3 weeks when he was used to eating nutritious meals everyday. (Not that I'm saying Ghandi had an eating disorder.)
Good Luck!