no junk food january

wow. its fer real been almost a month since i've posted. im so sorry for leaving you guys!
im so sorry!
its a new year. and im back.

so the holidays were rough. i weighed this morning, im 127.6 pounds. ughhhh. i was literally 123 a week or so ago. im motivated though. i really am. :) i am going to be 119 pounds by febuary 1st. even if it kills me. todays the first time in a while that i've got in a substantial amount of exercise. so thats a good start. also, im doing no junk food january with one of my not ana friends. so thats cool. :) some positive motivation from her. not that you guys arent positive :P

i have found ways to satisfy cravings. i mean, i still eat. but like today. i wanted a cookie sooo bad after i had some macaroni. but i realized i just wanted some "dessert". so i had a banana. it was sweet enough to be exactly what i needed. and i was done after that one banana. unlike if i had eaten the cookie, i would have wanted like three.

i have so much catching up to do with you guys! oh boy do i have some blogs to read. haha.

well, heres to the new year. and a new me. :)

(sorry for abandoning you guys, i really am so sorry)


edittt:

you dont really have to read this, but i found this survey on sofia's blog. so i thought i'd take it for fun. :)

Age: 16
Height: 5’5"
Weight: 127.6 lbs
Dress Size: 5
Highest Weight: 145
Lowest Weight (at height): 123
Goal Weight: 110
Favorite Diet Food: salad, grapes, strawberries, celery.
Favorite Binge Food: cookies, starchey foods (potatos, rice)
Favorite Exercise: Jillian Micaels 30 Day Shread
Favorite Thinspo: collar bones
Where Do You Slip Up: having too much time on my hands. or being around friends.

When Did It Start?:
Hating your body: sixth grade.
Restricting/counting: ninth grade.
Does Anyone Know: no.
You Want Help: no.
How Many Calories Do You Consume A Day : depends. 300-100 calories.
What Do You See When You Look In The Mirror: fat arms, flabby stomach, cellulite on my butt and thighs, and my love handles.
Are You In A Relationship: yeah. boyfriend of 2 and a half years.
Are You Depressed: somestimes. i stopped talking my medication.

Ever Tried To Commit Suicide: never.

Ever Been To A Psychologist: yes.

I AM -
[?] anorexic
[x] ednos
[] bulimic
[] living off diet pills
[] hungry
[] thirsty
[x] drinking something
[] Under 100lbs
[] starving yourself
[] participating in a fast

PEOPLE -
[] ask if I’m anorexic/bulimic
[] call me fat
[] say I’m skinny
[] say I’m ugly
[x] say I’m pretty
[x] spread rumors about me
[] force me to eat
[] say I eat too much
[] wish I’d eat more
[x] don’t know I’m anorexic/bulimic

I WISH -
[x] I was THIN
[x] I had a better body
[x] I didn’t have to eat
[x] I could control myself
[] I was under 110lbs
[x] I could avoid food
[x] I could hide what I am
[x] I wasn’t fat
[x] I was pretty
[] I could stop being ana/mia

I LOVE -
[x] feeling hungry
[x] seeing a difference when fasting
[] shaking
[x] being weak
[x] losing weight
[x] being anorexic/bulimic
[x] green tea
[x] diet pills
[x] being able to turn down food
[x] feeling good about myself

APPEARANCE -
[] I am shorter than 5’4.
[x] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
[x] I have many scars.
[x] I tan easily.
[] I wish my hair was a different color.
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[x] I have a tattoo.
[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[x] I have/had braces.
[x] I wear glasses
[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[x] I have more than 2 piercings.
[x] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[] I have freckles.

FAMILY -
[x] I’ve sworn at my parents.
[] I’ve run away from home.
[] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
[] My biological parents are together.
[] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[x] I want to have kids someday.
[] I’ve had children.
[] I’ve lost a child.

EMBARRASSMENT -
[x] I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation.
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[x] I’ve peed from laughing.
[] I’ve snorted while laughing.
[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
[x] I’ve glued my hand to something
[] I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[x] I’ve had my trousers rip in public.

RELATIONSHIPS -
[] I’m single
[x] I’m in a relationship.
[] I’m engaged.
[] I’m married.
[] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[x] I’ve cheated in a relationship.
[] I’ve gotten divorced
[] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
[] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[x] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.

SEXUALITY -
[] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
[] I am a cuddler.
[x] I’ve been kissed in the rain.
[x] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[] I have kissed a stranger.

HONESTY -
[x] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t
[x] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
[] I’ve snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
[x] I’ve cheated on a test.
[] I’ve been suspended from school.

BAD TIMES -
[x] I’ve consumed alcohol.
[] I regularly drink.
[] I can’t swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[x] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression at some point.
[x] I shut others out when I’m upset.
[x] I take anti-depressants.
[x] I’m anorexic or bulimic or have EDNOS.
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
[x] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
[x] I’m addicted to self harm.
[x] I’ve woken up crying
[x] I’ve lost weight
[x] I’ve gained weight
[x] My weight holds me back
[x] Weight consumes me.
[] I’m at my thinnest
[] I’m at my biggest
[x] I’ve lost weight and kept it off
[] I’ve lost weight but gained it back
[x] My weight affects my mood
[x] I weigh myself daily
[x] I am jealous of everyone smaller than me
[x] I thrive on compliments
[x] I feel bigger than people who are my size
[x] I feel happy when I’m hungry
[x] I get depressed after I eat
[x] I’ve skipped a meal
[x] I’ve thrown food away
[x] I’ve spit food out
[x] I’ve fasted
[x] I’ve taken diet pills
[x] I’ve used laxatives
[x] I’ve purged
[x] I exercise
[x] I exercise so I can eat
[] I work out secretly
[x] I work out daily
[x] I exercise to counteract eating
[] I’ve fainted from exhaustion

I’VE DONE -
[x] Weed
[x] Cigarettes
[x] Alcohol
[x] Diet pills
[x] Pain killers
[x] Anti-depressants
[] Ecstasy
[] LSD
[] Mushrooms
[] Speed
[] Cocaine
[] Other

[x] I keep my eating habits a secret
[x] I have a diet blog
[x] I look at thinspo
[x] I collect thinspo
[x] I’m doing this for me
[x] I’m doing this for someone
[x] I’m doing this to prove myself im strong