today went alight. exercised and burned 200 calories, brining my net total for the day to... 550 calories. give or take. haha.
the goal was 500. so this is good news. :)
tomorrow is 300. yay.
went grocery shopping today. it was nice. i got a lot of fruit, and some wheat thins, and some diet sprite, and some cough drops. only five calories each. nice.
i havent wanted to have sex with my boyfriend. and he gets really upset. i dont know. i just dont want to. its weird. i feel like i have better things to do with my time. no offence. i mean sex with him is great. and when we do, do it, its awesome and im glad we did. i just, dont want to lately. no sex drive. and im sorry. its not fair to him. hes so good to me. and i cant even do that for him. ughh. what ever.
im so sad today. i dont know. i feel like my face wants to cry. yes. my face.
i live with my grandma, and when i came home from school i grabbed a handful of cereal, and crammed it in my mouth, mid chew she says "why do you come home and stuff your face?"
i nearly cried.
then when i said "i dont... im just really hungry" she switches gears and says "you look pale and unhealthy, are you starving yourself?"
the sudden change in conversation upsets me and i almost involuntary burst into tears. i accidentally shout "NO OF COURSE NOT WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT?!?" and leave the room telling her im mad at her.
ughh.
she says sorry later. and takes me grocery shopping.
what a day.
im not thinner than usual. so im not sure what shes talking about. if anything im up. i feel like 125-127 ish. i can feel the fat on my bones.
i'll weigh this week end. i prefer to do it on weekends. when i have time to wake up and get nekkid to stand on a scale and be disappointed.
its 10:20 pm. im gonna go to bed soon. i havent gone to bed this early in AGES. it'll be a nice change.
oh! i gave my speech today. i think it went well. :)
thanks for the luck.
thats all i think.
im gonna crash now.
love you guys. night.
random thinspoooooooooooo for you:
you know what, its weird you mentioned the low sex drive thing.
ReplyDeletei'm kinda going through the...same..thing o__o
i think it's because we're so absorbed in our own insecurities right now. there's no room for feeling sexy lol.
at least, that's what i ruled it out as. i think it makes sense.
but, i know you picked up some good groceries so i hope that helps (:
good luck girl! xoxo
I'm sorry about the lack of sex drive. We all go through stages. If he loves you he'll understand.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your grandmother. My family doesn't notice my eating but I work really hard to keep it that way. My problem is my friends. They notice everything. I hate it. One of them even found my blog. FML but oh well I made her promise not to tell and she said as long as I eat around her she wont. So I stopped going around her at meal times. I weighed in for the first time in 39 days today and cried I knew I had gained but no idea how much (I spent Christmas with my grandma who loves deep fried foods or fast food).
I hope things get better with your bf and grandma. Glad to hear your speech went well. Much love stay strong. ~Tiernay~
i only have sex drive if i lost weight that day, or my boy can convince me im attractive. lets just say it takes a lot of convincing.
ReplyDeleteim glad your speech went well.
my mother does the same thing as your gma. :/
stay lovely. <3