burn baby burn

about to go exercise. i told myself i didnt have to do it till eight. and here we are at 7:54 and i gotta go do it soon. it doesnt take long. only like 35 minutes, and once i start it seems like 15 minutes, its just the going and starting it that sucks. i looked back through my blog. its crazy how i can be my own inspiration at this point. i was so thin! ahh! so i know i can do it again. but last time it took a very long time to lose twenty pounds. like a year plus some months. then we gotta keep it off. ugh. it really is a life commitment, being thin that is. eating right. exercising. struggling. binging. purging. never ending really.

im about 139 today. i was 142 on monday. still not getting my hopes up. i tried on the prom dress i bought. im not sure i like it. im still too big to wear it. my loves handles show a lot. its pretty flattering on my stomach, but those damn love handles. i have the worst muffin top. im about to get control top panty hose for prom. so that its all smooth. i dont want to look back on the pictures and hate myself, you know? even if its a false smooth, i dont want to hate myself that day. hopefully i'll be at least 130 by then. that means my thighs maybe wont touch, and my love handles wont be quite so big.

ate two strawberries this morning. nothing for lunch. around 6:00 i had some broth with carrots and some noodles. ate a tootsie roll and two mini cookies from a 100 calorie pack. but then i purged that. soo... im at what? around two hundred calories? give or take. the soup was probably 200 in itself, then maybe 50 for the tootsie roll and two mini cookies. then i purged. so we'll call it 200.

well its eight oclock. i'll have to talk to you girls tomorrow!

i can do it this time! :)

shame and bitterness

ive lost it. lost my mind 100%. more than that. i let go. no ana no rules. just induldging. i am back to my starting weight ladies. one hundred fourty two pounds and god how big this is. prom is coming up. what a fucking time to get fat. started back up with jillian's exercise tapes. have yet to eat... lets see... under 1,000 calories for the day. youd be horified if you watched me go through a day.

my boyfriend weighed himself today. 149 pounds. i only weigh seven pounds less. at one point i would have been around TWENTY SIX POUNDS LIGHTER than him. i am a fucking monster. im going to do it again. i did it once. i can do it. i had such dedication though. i was a champion. 300 calories a day i was doing back in my 15 year old days. but here i am, nearly 18, unable to control my eating.

i nearly lost it when i took pictures the other day. i honestly was taking new "start" pictures. ughhh. and i dont self harm anymore, so theres nothing to do with my frustrations and i end up eating! never fucking ending cycle.

well started exercising again. gonna eat no more than 500 calories a day. i could kill myself knowing im not even in the 130's. how did i slip up so badly? ugh.

body issues

so my hate for my body is getting in the way of being with my boy. it upsets him when i dont eat lunch. when i dont wanna get naked to mess around. and his favorite postion is girl on top, and i cant do that for him. its too exposing. i dont know what to do. i guess get in shape. but even that wont fix my confidence level.

rugby starts real soon im excited. still havent started working out really. but its really because im so busy. i work so often and for such long periods and then i have home work, im just so run down.

i got 10 pills of adderal from this kid at school. they're fucking awesome. i wishhhh i had a perscription. they focus my mind, and make me happier, and make me not wanna eat. perfect combo! haha

ive been geting crazzzyy headaches. not sure what from exactly. i think im gonna get my glasses perscription rechecked, that could be why.

anyways im gonna try to sleep. i work tomorrow for about 6 hours right after i finish with my 8 hours of school. ugh. catch up soon. and im trying to make more time for blogging. love you girls :) talk to you soon hopefully.

holy fuck! is it really me! :O

hey ladies. first post of 2012 and were nearly into the second month here. im sorry. like genuinely. you are all so supporting, and i feel like i've neglected you. man i've got some reading to do, dont i? haha. i need to get a new laptop. this one is so fucking slow, and is not reliable. i got a job i dont know if i told you that. havent made too much money. i've got probably 800 dollars to my name though. so i suppose since i have a car a laptop is next on my list. tomorrow i work from four till nine thirty. and i was going to stop at target after work and buy a scale and the exercise dvd that was helping me so much, that i fucking lost. its only like nine dollars and a scale wont be more than twenty. so thats not bad at all.
rugby starts up in march and i am NOOOO SHAPE to be playing. i gotta lose about ten pounds, and tighten up and raise my endurance. so thats the plan. though i have a hard time sticking to my own plans. ideas girls? i've been outta the game for so long. how much should i eat a day? how many calories should i burn thorough exercise?
on a side note i met this boy. and were pretty much dating. though we havent made it offical. but on the downside i've been getting criticized by everyone because his ex girl friend is bitter and jealous that im with him. so shes telling everyone im a whore and that he has a small dick. what? hahah. girls are so dumb sometimes. the funny thing is that since shes a "popular girl" everyone believes her. i guess its whatever.
my goal is to be 125 for rugby. so ten pounds in a month. if i was good at sticking to things it'd be no problem, but since im so shitty it probably wont happen. hopefully i can surprise myself.
i'll update. probably. yes. i will. i need to start talking about my life again. i pretty much have no one. like no body. and its hard.
<3
i love you all. i forever will.
-annie

Tuesday Evening

lo sieto my loves. its been a while, again. i get lazy. hahha.

so i started fasting. the last time i ate was sometime sunday evening. i know its only tuesday, so not like a huge deal. but i still havent eaten. i suppose i have been "cheating" though. i had a bowl of broth yesterday and two candy canes today. other wise, im doing great. been drinking a lot of juice, and diet coke. i was 131 yesterday, and today im 129.5, so seeing some progress. i took a picture for you guys, myself really, after my shower today.

also, i have sort of a problem. i self harm, you know that, whatever. thats not the problem. i burned myself the other day... and its crazy infected. least i think so, imma show you, and im sorry that you have to see my scars and such, i just need to know what i should do. what do you think i should do? is it really infected?

im gonna start working out again. i gave up on that for a while. and i convinced my self i shouldnt feel bad about not exercising since i was maintaining 131. but my tummy is pudgy. so its time to tone it up. what should i do do you think? what are your favorite ways to tone up a tummy?

also, my birthday is on thursdayyyy. :D

paniccc! :D

meeting panic! was the best experience of my life. :D

i posted an ass load of pictures on facebook, and on my tumblr.

they were so wonderful, and nice, and handsome! :D

i geeked so hard.

i was front row dead center, on the barricade. it was awesome. could not have been closer. the first picture is of how many people were there. my ribs and sternum got bruised from being pushed so hard against the barricade.

i took an assload of videos. i uploaded them to youtube. so i'll link them here. it was great! :DD

so i've been away for a few days. im lazy. haha.

i havent eaten very well the past two days. but i havent really gained that i've noticed. i'll get back on track no worries.

well this is just a quick update, since i wanna lay down and watch spongebob. lol.

just took a shower and shaved my legs. i feel great haha.

havin' a "party" tomorrow after work. i hope tyler will come. doubt it though. regardless, i'll probably drunk text him. haha.

by the way i dunno if i have mentioned recently but theres this boy who i like. his name is Greg. and he is just the cutest thing ever. and he always smells sooo goddamn good. and he has this habit of biting his lip while hes talking to me, and it just makes me meltttt. and he has blue eyes. and a super deep voice, but in a sexy way. its fantastic. hes fantastic. one catch, he has a girl friend. and we were talking one day about how "im a home wrecker" and he told me, his exact words, "dont wreck my home" dammmnnn!! hahaha. i was like "woah dude. rejected? hahah" i was just surprised he said that, and put it that way.

thats about it i suppose. i'll up date soon again. :)

party time

thanks everyone for the wishes of fun. :)

and thanks rachael for the advice on the stye. its gone now actually. :)

and i bet you look fine swimming. haha.

so yesterday i had people over and we all got super drunk. tyler came over dude! i invited people he knew, then he texted me saying "heard youre having people over" and he cammmmee. :D

he ended up leaving with some sober people because they convinced him his bed was a better idea. gahhh. he coulda slept in my queen size bed with me. oh but this girl jessi was there with me. jessi and i were in my room with the lights off just chillin' and tyler comes in. jokes about a threesome, and me and jessi are like "dude. we'd totally have a threesome with you" and he was like "what? really?" but we didnt do that. lol. but we had a three way make out. lmao. it was fun. im not bi or lesbian or anything but jessi is cute as fuck. :)

oh then this morning i got to clean up my house. and right now i have a bag full of empty liquor bottles, and empty glass beer bottles. and i dont know what to do with them. like, i cant just recycle them. because my grandpa goes though it to make sure its all separated right or whatever. so idk what to do. it'd be easy if it were like five bottles. but its a lot. lmao.

oh and my best friend kelly told me she loves hugging me because im thin and curvy. lol.

took a picture this morning of what i look like. i feel bloated from all the alcohol though. so im not that nice looking. whateves.

though i look big, i feel like im making progress. i'll get there for sure. :)

i havent eaten anything yet today <3 hopefully today will be great.

well i have a really bad headache. so i might just try to sleep.

see yah ladies.

you are so awesome it hurts

so guyyysss. tuesday november 8th i get to see panic! at the disco for the fifth time. but this time will be different. i'll still be font row. still get there five hours early (im a little nuts), but this time i get to meet them. i have the pleasure of meeting brendon urie, spencer smith, dallon weeks, and ian crowford of panic! at the disco. :DDD i get a picture and autographsss. im so excited. so i made them all bracelets. you all know that bracelets are my thing. i have a ton, and i make a ton. so im hoping they'll wear them, if not keep them and remember me. :)

im so excited.

so today wasnt that bad. i had a browine, a muffin, and rice cripsy square at this school event. i had orange juice for breakfast, at lunch i had some chips (couldnt help it), came home had an egg a handful of chips... ummmm. i think thats it. i drank a lot of diet coke today. today wasnt anywhere near good. but not that bad.

i have a stye in my eye. i dont even know how to spell it. its a bump on the inside of my lower lid. it hurts a lot, is swollen, and i look ugly.

been swimming every morning zero hour at school for 45 minutes. its cold and sucks. but super tiring. good exercise to start my day, and it wakes me up.

guys, anyone watch dexter? cause im shitting my pants. i love it soooo muchhhh! so much. damn. im on episode three of season six, and he just dropped all his slides. i feel anxiety and ocd towards that, and it upsets me that the order is mixed up and all that. damnnn. im addicted.

well, im tired. and watching family guy. i love all my new followers on tumblr. thanks if you followed me. :)

see yah soon loves.

but wishes of course, are for children.

back again! follow me on tumblr encounterswithana.tumblr.com

halloween was fun. i forgot to tell you guys that i was a skeleton. if only i was nearly bones every day.

like it? :) it was a ton of fun.

so i ate not bad per say. but surely not like i should have. i purged though. then i showered. and i pretty much weigh before i shower always. you know, perfect opportunity, all naked and stuff. haha. but anyways im at 130.5, i think i feel like im further than i am. just think, i was 122. only like eight pounds away. holy shit! i could maybe be 122 or lower by my birthday! i have to do this ladies. my ultimate birthday present to myself would be to be 117 pounds. unrealistic i feel though. so i'll try my best. i think thats what i need. "trying my best" not worrying if i dont make exactly what i wanted, progress is progress.

ohhhh! i got a job too! my first job everrr. exciting right? its at a pizza place. haha. im a waitress. :)

and thanks for all your love and welcome on account of me being back. much love to you ladies. :)

thats it. :) think thin loves. look at some thinspo.

byeee.

didnt expect to see me, did you?

hey girls. im not sure why i stopped blogging. got real antisocial for a while. im at about 132 pounds. so not much has changed. i got to pretty much have the best night of my life with Tyler. if you guys remember who that is anyways.

i feel like i've accomplished a lot lately. though i dont know what to tell you all. im a rugby player. thats new. we one first place at our state game. it was a proud moment.

i've recently been addicted to tumblr. so i made one for my blog here. i decided after seeing all the beautiful thin women on tumblr, and all around the world really, anywhere, that im going to give an honest effort to try again.

i was taking vyvanse for a while actually. showed this kid my boobs, he gave me 10 pills. they are fucking wonderful. you dont wanna eat AT ALL. its so great. but now i cant seem to find more. this other kid wants 20 dollars for four pills. fuckkkk dude. the price of being thin. so i guess i'll try something else.

i was thinking today, i wanted to be thin by 17th birthday. i cannot believe i keep letting myself down. its crazy really. my mother lets me down. the men in my life let me down. my friends let me down. and i cannot believe that i am the worst of all. i let myself down more than anyone i suppose. its quite shameful. since i've been gone so long, i bet a lot of you arent even gonna read this. but i'd like if you did. because im going to be here, and tumblr as much as possible. tumblr probably more. though thats just me posting an ass load of pictures. haha. so follow me on tumblr. and stay tuned here. i'll try my best to not let myself, or you girls down anymore. its not fair, to anyone.

encounterswithana.tumblr.com

simple enough. go follow me. :)

jillian michaels

jillian michaels makes me happy. haha. not gonna lie. yesterday i bought her dvd ripped in 30, and i started it today. i really liked it, and i was sweating a lot. school starts like august 31st or something. so i have a month to start my junior year of highschool looking great. and since im single, i need to look good. i feel like i have a more positive out look on losing weight now. which feels nice. so today is the start of my "getting ripped in 30" journey.
weight: 131.5
arms: 10 1/4 in
waist: 27 in
hips: 35 in
thigh (biggest part): 21.5 in


i burned my finger really bad. so typing sucks so much right now.

im super sweaty, and i feel light headed. i might jump in my pool to clear my head.

since im committing to this ripped in 30 i will post everyday. :)
see you tomorrrow

crazy makes you crazy

heyy ladiess.

not much is new, or has changed. i have snake bites now though. so thats always fun. hah.
i wasted like an hour of my life today watching maroon 5 videos on youtube. and like every video is very sexual. its awesome. and i have to say the lead singer Adam, is like one of the sexiest men alive. just puttin' that out there. but on the down side. now im all horny, and i've got no one to have sex withhhh. ughhh. so thats like the shittiest thing ever.

i showered today so well that i feel like i havent been this clean in years. lol. like i exfoliated my skin and shaved then after wards i put lotion on, and now im feelin' clean and great. and i also smell nice. i wish i had someone to impress tonight. ugh.

i realized today that i would be pretty much 100% happy with my body, if i didnt have love handles. like thats it. i have a fine shaped body, and im not all that big, but its my goddamn love handles. i wish you could spot reduce fat. but you know, just working on my core in general will be good for me. especially since its been far too long since i've exercised.

i dont think i'll ever be thin. i seem to not be able to lose weight anymore. i used to be 122. come on! thats awesome. now im up here, 10 pounds heavier. ten fucking pounds. thats so many! damn! blah. but its not like im gonna give up. i just suck. ugh.


snakee bitesss. haha. :)


and this is after my shower. more of a progress picture, so that when i lose more weight i can compare.

The sun floods your room as you drown

re-did my blog, you like it? i love the colors. i was getting sick of the dark feeling. this blue green color is one of my favorite colors. i would love some nail polish in this color.

im so tired its crazy. i wanna go back to bed but i love wasting time on the computer.

im feeling artsy. i wanna do something. make something. draw paint something. i dunno. im wasting my life. ugh.

130 pounds this morning. much better than 134. i havent eaten yet today. which is great. im fasting today. but i'll eat something tomorrow cause tomorrow is Warped Tour and i dont wanna get sick. im really only going for like two bands. Hellogoodbye and Gym Class Heroes. im pumped for Hellogoodbye. they make me happy. some day i also wanna see Death Cab for Cutie. they also make me happy. haha.

i can feel that my breath stinks. lol. thats sooo gross. i need to go brush my teeth. but i'd have to pass through the kitchen to get there. and im starting to feel bingy. soooo, i might hold off till this feelin' passes.

i think im gonna party this weekend. im excited. :3

i was supposed to design a shirt for this contest. the entries are due the 22. so i've got like four days. i suppose this is what i should use my artys feeling for. the theme of the shirt is "good vs. evil" does anyone have any ideas? ugh. i have no clue what to do at all. fuckkk.

well, i think im actually gonna go back to bed. im deathly tired. haha. :p

just because something isnt happening for you now, doesnt mean it will never happen

la da da da daaaaaaaaaa. things may or may not be going well with me and tyler. :DDD
i went over to his house last night. things got a little frisky. yess. hahah. sorry, im done being a stupid giggly little girl. :P

i havent been eating too much, but i've been drinking a lot. so that just adds fuck tons of empty calories. what can i say, i like gettin' drunk. haha.

i hung out with dom today. it was super nice. i really missed him. we went to lunch today and watched a movie. :)

i might be going out tonight. i want to, but i dunno where to go, or what to do.

i left last night at like midnight. and i was supposed to be home by three, but i was with tyler, so i came home at like six in the morning. and i cannot believe no one noticed! ahh! haha. i would have been in deep shit man. but they didnt notice. i am so lucky.

i have mega bad heart burn. it sucks so much. i think its from all the hard liquor and diet coke. its making my stomach sick.

my life is boring. i guess thats it for today. :)

diet coke

so i think im addicted to diet coke. like actually. haha. i mean thats fine, and it has like no calories so its not like it matters. haha. went to the gas station this morning. got a fountain drink. do you guys call it that? thats my favorite. i love getting soda in a cup, like how you would from like a fast food place. so this morning i got 32 oz of diet coke. yumm. haha. and now im chillin' watching spongebob. im super hungry, and super tired. so to fix both of those i should just nap. which i will do soon.

im going to a party tonight. im excitedddd. gonna get smashed. and if i dont eat anything i'll get drunk really fast. but that also means it'll hurt more if/when i puke. ughh.

im thinkin' thin. and im feeling great today. im pretty happy.

last night i ran over my phone with my car. i know i know. im an idiot. its a flip phone, and the inside screen cracked hard core. and my sim card snapped off inside, so all my pictures and videos are gone. and im afraid to have the phone company see if they can retrieve my pictures. cause i have a lot of pictures on there that i DO NOT want anyone to see. a lot of like stomach pictures. and then we've got some naked pictures. lol. why? why not. haha. but like, theres a lot of shit... so i think im not even going to have them try to retrieve them. i think i'll just start fresh. cause if i dont think too hard about all the pictures i lost, im not upset. you know? but i'll be getting a new phone monday, so thats good.

well guys, i think im gonna take a nap! haha. have a good day! :)


Follow @AnnieMarie00

goodevening my lovlies

so i have recently made a twitter. you should follow me. :)
Follow @AnnieMarie00

so im 130.5 pounds. things are looking up. im feeling motivated, been exercising. i've started running. which sucks, but is great. haha. i cant stick to anything recently. blogging being one of the things i havent been doing. so im wondering how twitter is going to go for me. hahah. i suppose we'll see. i'll come back. dont worry! im serious this time. this is a new start. things are going to get better for me, in ever aspect of my life. im going to be confident, and happy. starting today. :)

i gotta be up early. so i gotta get going. :3
have a goodnight

you cant buy happiness---steal it

oh lordy lordy. haha. i've been up to a lot of bullshit. been going to a lot of concerts. going to a lot of parties. meeting a lot of people. lifes been good. but at a party i went to, there was a hot tub. it looked lovely. so lovely. and the girl whos party it was had an extra bikini. we were all drunk, so it doesnt matter, right? well they were all in the hot tub, and i went to put the bikini on. i put it on. and saw my reflection in the mirror, and honestly tried so hard not to cry. its an atrocious sight. so i took off the suite and put my clothes back on. and watched all these guys and girls pile into the warm hot tub. i realize that i cant keep going on the way i am. i cant just accept my body. its gonna chance. regardless of how long it takes, i will get to my goal of 117 pounds, or lower. it will fucking happen. since dom left me i've had a lot of time. so now i will spend this time not eating, and i will exercise everyday. tomorrow im starting the cabbage soup diet. so im hoping to lose some weight. my computer has been fucking shit. and if i dont have my own laptop, i cant blog. but its fixed now. and im back. im gonna go catch up on your blogs. im sorry i was gone for how long i was. i really really hope you all can accept me back and support me. much love forever <3 annie

You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.

hey girls,

last night was really fun. went to my "first typical teenage party". lol. if you know what i mean. like the ones always in movies. haha. it was fun. i got super drunk and made out with some guy. haha. also kissed some girl. haha.

i was really hung over and slept a lot today. then around 7 my friends mom invited me to dinner. so i went out with them. had a veggie burger and fries, and a little ice cream. a little while ago i had a slice of pizza too. so todays intake isnt too bad.

my sister has been with me like every waking moment that im home so i havent been exercising well lately. but i will. i want to get back in shape. i'll help me feel better about myself, in general.

well, i have some serious catching up to do on your blogs. so off i go. :)
i hope your doing well.

ps. im addicted to pictures of quotes.

wow. its been a while.

hey guys. god. its been a while. im sorry for just leaving like that. i dont know. i just didnt feel like blogging.
been depressed.
me and dom broke up.
i miss him.
i wish we didnt break up, though it was mutual when it happened.
i really miss him. :/

im around 129. no change. i havent been trying.

i've gained some friends since i have last talked to you guys. which is nice.

made out with tyler again. it was awesome. he was drunk. i was little tipsy. he apparently "doesnt remember" that entire night. whatever i guess. im not gonna bring it up. cause im pretty sure he does remember, and wants to forget. he still has a girlfriend. a girlfriend of two years.

me and one of my best guy friends (who i suspect is gay) are going to a party tonight. gonna get drunk. should be fun.

i'll be updating more frequently. i was out of a computer for a while. i had been using my sisters. so i couldnt really blog.

my moms outta jail.

i started cutting again.

i've told a few people im really depressed. i told one person i started cutting again. why? i dont know. maybe i want help. maybe i want some one to say "it'll be okay" and then take my problems away from me.

i got all my hair cut off. like all of it. its short. and when i want to, i can put it in a mohawk. lol. its fun. i LOVE short hair. i hate the feeling of hair touching my neck.

god i miss dom.

my sister got kicked outta school until shes "evaluated by a psychiatrist". she also stopped eating. shes around 102ish. its not fair. shes about my height. but a little more than two years younger. *sigh*
and of course every one cares about her, they love her, they give her nothing but support. i mean she deserves support. but i feel like since no one notices my problems, they dont really know me or care. but then again there are times when i loveeee that no one knows what i do to myself. that no one knows the secrets i keep. but hey.

you should go on sixbillionsecrets.com i love that website.


anyways i gotta go.

this was just a little update. i love you all. thanks for stickin' with me through it all, and through my absence. much love forever. <3

My Chemical Romance

awww yeahhhh. last night was fucking boss. oh yeahhh.
it was wonderful. straight up. :)

i saw my favorite band in the whole world! ahhhh! im still so exciteddd!
i want to see them four times in my life. which will happen.
i got to see frank iero in the flesh. oh god. :DD

i got really bad heat exhaustion though. i threw up twice at the show and didnt go to school today. oh well. it was awesome. i also spent 60 dollars on merch.

:)

i have nothing more to say. im too excited to bitch about my fat body.