nothing new. 124 pounds. fuck my life.
i'll fix it. i just need time. but i PROMISE you i will fix it.
tomorrow is a half day. im going to see dom for a few hours.
i am not excited. and i'd rather not see him. i havent wanted to kiss him, and when he tries im not interested in it. which kills me. i should want to kiss him. but i dont.
im so scared im losing attraction to him.
it started with sex. now kissing. god. what if he cant touch me soon? fuckfuckfuck.
that will break my heart. because he was one of the first people who i was okay with touching me.
goddamnit. what the fuck am i supposed to do?
i dont want to do anything.
i dont want to see him, i dont want to kiss him. i dont want to do anything.
i want to just go do my own thing, and not worry about the consequences.
so you know how i got naked on skype? i think i told you that. i was drunk and me and tyler skyped naked. so anyways, today this kid Jake, i think i've mentioned him before, well this kid jake was like trying to black mail me. he was like "so tyler saw your boobs and almost your vag. let me see" and i was like "wtf. no" and he was like "well im sure dom would love to know about that" so i texted tyler and i flipped out i was like "what the fuck tyler! now jake is going to ruin my relationship with dom!" so tyler was like "jake. back the fuck off" and now jakes like "i cant believe you thought i was serious. like i'd want to see your boobs. and you go and run and tell on me. hah!"
everyone is kicking me when im down. but im really grateful to tyler for standing up for me though.
im so so tired. i just need sleep. i am so worn down.
i feel like showing you guys lots of pictures today. so here we go.
im so bloated. this is me today after life guard training.
i ended up burning myself. i put bobby pins on my straighter then pressed them to my skin. sorry if this is too graphic. just sharing.
this is it today. it doesnt hurt anymore.
and here we go. my journey. i was fat ladies. 145 pounds. i was big. so please. just realize that i KNOW i was fat. dont make fun.
i'll see you guys. love you all.
Would never make fun, I was 20lbs over that. In fact, I think I'm the second pic right now. I'll get there. Boys suck. That's why I don't do cam stuff anymore unless it's w a bf. Boys a;ways get full of themselves and thing theyre special, when really, we just want to feel better about our bodies. Shit, sorry for the ramble dear. Am slightly drunk. lol, will post about that tomorrow. Sending you skinnies love, and put some aloe vera on those burns, it'll help with scarring. :)
ReplyDeletesorry i didn't text you i was sleeping :P
ReplyDeleteyou look amazing. you should be soooo proud. you are an inspiration!
If it helps any, I think you are absolutely stunning. Not just your body, but also oyur face. You look wonderful :)
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel about the SI. I've been part of it myself for about 5 years. It's addicting. Reasring. And though you don't do it for pitty, sometimes, you just have to share it. I feel with you, and I feel sorry that you are goiing through this kind of stuff.
Don't let any boy get you down. 'Cause no matter what happens, what you do, say or look like, boys will always equals trouble. That just the painful path of love and acceptance. Fuck it. You're better than that! :)
Just remember that you're never alone.
We are tons of people out here, who want's to be there for you if you wish so.
Stay strong <3
I wish i could be so persistent.. I cant find control in my life.. everyone controls me Im so mad.. i just want to lose weight and feel better..
ReplyDeleteand my blog sucks..
ReplyDelete