a lonely speaker in a conversation, her words were swimming through his ears again

thanks guys.
for listening to me everyday. and for caring about whats going on in my life. its nice. so i mean this in the most genuine way possible. thank you.

so this weekend was bad with food. i ate a lot. and today was the worst. the week is always good. then the weekends suck. so whatever. im so stressed. i dont want to think about the weight i have gained. so i wont. not now.

im going to stay with Dom, and not ever tell him about me and Tyler.
i've been with dom for so long that he takes me for granted. i dont see him often. he doesnt tell me im pretty or anything nice like that. when we have sex its for him. he doesnt go down on me. he doesnt.. "warm me up". though i do it for him, every time. tyler isnt any better. ignores me when he feels like. hes always "busy". even just to hang out (nothing sexual intended). they're both equally bad for me. but tyler tells me im petite, and cute. and he likes my eyes, and his favorite part of me is my lips. i just liked that attention. i liked to feel pretty. to not worry about how much i weigh, or if i'll get off during sex. it was just nice to think he'd want me.
and i need to let go of that. because girls, he doesnt like me how i like him. i need to stop. in all honesty, i need to get over it. need to stop texting him, and hoping we'll hang out.
cause its killing me.
im not saying dom is any better.
maybe i dont need either of them.
i think thats something to decided later, when my mind isnt so foggy.

but me and my best friend were talking about dom. and she says that she thinks i can do better, and that i deserve someone who makes me feel good about myself.
dom was the one who initially fed my ed. telling me i was "overweight". hes not good for me. hes just all i know.

i dont know what to do.

i've been so sad. so so sad. i want to just sit alone for a long while. not talk to anyone. not see dom for a long time. not talk to him. not talk to tyler. i just want to clear my head. just. think.


ughh. im sorry girls. im so sorry. for only talking about this the past like 10 posts. but this is a huge issue in my life right now.


118 or bust! i appreciated your comment so much. i really liked your comment. i just dont know what to do. i literally feel like i cant think clearly. i dont know what to do. i dont know whats best for me. maybe nothing. maybe being single is whats good. but then again. i have no idea. i dont want to mess stuff up with either boy.

fuckk. fuck fuck.

food, boy and body issues. my life is great.