A deep, pensive, and long-lasting sadness

yesterday went fine. mostly fruit till i had some fritios really late at night.
today was fine until tyler upset me again. then, i dont know. i just ate. it just feels so good to give in.
im sad again.
i think my depression might have come back. i dont want to have to take medication again. i dont want that. i hope it goes away.
chinese for dinner.
i threw a fit and stormed outta the kitchen. i wouldnt be surprised if i was grounded tomorrow.
my fortune was this:

im not quite sure what that means.

i ended up eating two ice cream sandwiches. 160 calories each. yay.
its 8:30. i would loveee more than anything to just go to bed.

today is tyler and his girlfriends two year anniversary.
i cant let it go.
i dont know why.
i just. i cant.

i ate an orange today:



i feel so melancholy. how can i fix this? what should i do?

i appreciate the girls who text me. :)
you guys mean the world to me.

i have been exercising. some days 30 minutes. some days six. it all depends on how sad i am. i know exercise is supposed to like, raise endorphins, but fuck that. when im sad all i want to do is sleep. not fucking exercise.

im not sure how much i weigh. 127 TOPS. id say... 126. probably.
i dont know.

i'll check next time i take a shower.

would you believe that my burns STILL arent healed all the way? they arent infected anymore though.

my chest has been killing me. i wonder what is actually wrong. because i know it happens when i get sad. but like, why? its not an imaginary pain. it hurts so much when im really sad. so i wonder like medically, what is happening when it hurts like this.
it honestly feels like my heart is aching. like its just this... pulling pain in my chest. it feels like, behind my heart, and in my throat. and it just. hurts so much that im afraid i'll get so sad that i wont be able to breath. that the pain will get in my throat so far that i wont be able to breathe in.

maybe i should find my inhaler.

wow. 8:40.
this took a while.
im done.
love you ladies.