How can I make myself, out to be positive when positively everything I know is such a worthless mess, and it’s all that I have.

so im getting better. im getting happier and overall, more okay than i was.
thank you to all of you who stuck by me. :)
and to those of you who told me it would get better. im glad i believed you.

so, i was 126.5 today. oh my fucking god.
so it will be okay. now that im feeling better. things in general will get better.
tomorrow is valentines day. doms making me tacos. haha. my favorite.
since last year i made him home made sugar cookies and tacos he got to make me dinner this year. he is no cook. so i figured tacos would be easy enough for him to do. haha. :)

things with him still are blah. i dont know. i still would like to be tylers girl friend. but hes been ignoring me... so im tyring to move on... :(
i dont want to. but its the hope thats hurting me.
...
makes me sad...
i really like him...

ughhh.

anyways, i dont know. hah.

im up to 126.5 how in the hell did i let this happen? i dont fucking know. damn.
im like, busting out my size fours.

oh, also, me and dom were having sex (which wasnt that great), and he was grabbing my hips, and i was like "ughh. sorry about my love handles" and he said "nah. i like em"
...
he likes my love handles... so he sees em too..
he then went on to say "actually i love them. why else would they be called LOVE handles"
im not sure if he was trying to make me feel better. but i just wanted to dieee.

so goal for this week is to have around a 300-500 net calorie after exercise.
tomorrow may be a little up there. cause its valentines day. but we'll see i guess. ugghh. im so disappointed in myself. i've come so far. and i fucked it up so hard.

ughh.

im going to bed early. without doing homework. fuck that shit.
hah.

have a nice sleep.
ps. my burns are really infected. it hurts.