Its not hard to grow when you know that you just don't know

"Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball"

hey ladies. i exercised this morning. i honestly have not exercised in a long time. like weeks. i mean i've done like five minutes of abs. but i havent worked out in a long while. but i did this morning at 7. cause i couldnt sleep. i had to eat breakfast with my dad today. thats how it is every sunday. i ate around 600 calories. and burned around 200 this morning. so im at 400ish now. im fat. i am. i gained a lot of weight. i cant get out of this rut. i cant. im so sad. i just... i cant get out.
but im going to try now. i stopped trying. but im trying now. i really am.
have you ever listened to Damien Rice? if not. you should. his songs are the soundtrack to my life. seriously.

"So why'd you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place that you've known
And why'd you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why'd you sing with me at all?"

tyler drunk texted me last night. i was sleeping. soon as i woke up i was excited. drunk or not. he texted me. he said " *Annnnieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* baybay" then he texted me again five minutes later saying "i miss you, we need to hang. ah sorry im drunk texin ya my bad babe."
so i texted him back and i was like "its all good. if i was awake i would have texted you back. if your serious about wanted to hang, that'd be chill"
and a little while ago he texted me back saying "i got pretty drunk haha. dont remember texting you to be honest. lol. sorry hun"

im just so sad again. so im like 128 pounds. and sad. wow. my life is so shitty.
i just want him to like me honestly. even just to mess around. i'd be fine with that. i just want to see him. and spend time with him. fuckkkk. ugh. mandagin says i can just wait it out. good idea i think. i just.. ugh. i wish i knew if i'd ever have a chance.

sorry all i talk about is boys. i appreciate that i still have followers. lol.