a few things are official.
1. this morning i woke up to a scale telling me:
(excuse my hammer toes. the bones are shaped wrong)
2. i cheated. i am a cheater. i cheated. *sigh* i dont know how i feel about this. i dont know if i feel guilty. im not sure. Tyler came over. and we played wii and were all close and cuddly. and i promised him id show him my boobs (after drunk skyping him yesterday). so i showed him my boobs, then i pulled my shirt back down. and he walked over and put his hands on my face and put his lips to mine. not like a kiss though. just kind of idly there. my heart was pounding so hard in my chest. then we pulled back. and stood there with my head on his chest. my head barely even reach like nipple high on him. it was nice. i moved and sat on the loveseat and he was just standing sorta in front of me. then he said something. i dont remember what it was. i was still lost in the fact his lips were like, just on mine. then after he said what i dont remember he walks over and leans down, puts on hand on either arm of the loveseat and kisses me. i didnt kiss back at first. but then i did. i dont know why. my heart was trying to rip out of my chest. he pulls back. says something again. i rest my elbows on my knees, and look at the floor smiling. he says something again, about how "awestruck" i look. i was. and then he comes and sits next to me. i turn and he kisses me again. we lean back and his tongue brushes my lips. we made out. and he pulled me on top of him, and were making out and hes grinding on me and his hands are roaming my body. i pull off him and tell him i cant. he says "... im sorry... if that was a bad idea.."i assured him it wasnt. and eventually he went home.
sorry that was detailed. its just this huge secret i have now cause i cant tell anyone. no way in hell im telling my boyfriend. which makes me feel terrible. god. fuck. fuck fuck.
it was so nice though. so sneaky and exhilarating.
i pretty much fasted today. i had some hotcocoa (50), a candy cane (75), some lemonade (20), and i ended up licking a spoonfull of frosting. which is like 200 calories a table spoon or something crazy. so im gonna say 200 for that, to be safe. which is 345 total.
i planned on working out today, but time got so far away from me.
date with painting boy tomorrow. hes getting a tattoo and im coming with.
man. shits crazy.
Yay for the low weight!!! Well done =)
ReplyDeleteAnd cheating is not a good thing, but it's not like you were married with kids or anything. Just take some time and decide what you want, and if it's to stay with your boyfriend maybe it would be a good idea to tell him about it? If you explain it was a mistake and you regret it he should be able to understand. I know things aren't that simple, so I guess do what you think is right.
Okay girly, knew this was coming. It's okay, this happens to the best of us. I can't really give morally sound advice, but I can tell you that I learned to separate emotional relationships and sexual ones. And I can comfortably tell people that. I think the fact that you are emotionally attached to someone other than your bf is more important to think about than the physical aspect.
ReplyDeleteMaybe ask yourself: "Why do I want this attention from new boy? Am I just physically attracted to him, or do I just want two people? Am I unsatisfied with bf?"
I hope this helps, and doesn't come off as judgy. I honestly can't judge :) Feel free to message me for more boy talk, I have too much experience and am the girl my friends ask advice from...
Sending you skinnies as always darling.