drunk day

so ladies me and my first ever boyfriend from about 6th grade, are super good friends. cause we were so young and such. his name is Levi. anyways we got drunk today. or i did rather. me being around 120 pounds (i binged so fucking bad yesterday), it didnt take all that much. so i was drunk as fuck, walking around town with this boy at around 2 pm. heyhey, dont judge me. he couldnt anyother time. so anyways we were drunk walking around, and i was texting tyler and i sent him the most sophisicated text of my entire life. get ready for it:
"i ammmm drunnnkkkk"
im not sure why i told him. maybe i thought he'd think i was "cool" cause hes like five years older than me. sounds stupid, but i think thats the reason. so i told him that and he was like "... its only 2pm" and then he got all pissy and told me he was "irritated" with me. what the eff? and he wont tell me why. he said "i dont want to talk about it." what did i do wrong? *sigh*
so anyways, not going too into detial we ended up going to a small like diner and getting hot cocoa and french fries. i ate an ass load of fries. i also tired to take a big sip of my hot cocoa and burnt the fuck out of my tongue, and spit the hot, hot cocoa all over the table.

we left, and walked around. and i ended up crying hysterically. so we went and sat by the over hang of a school. he put his jacket around me and i just cried and cried and cried. and his hands on my face and him hugging me is the most reassuring thing i have ever felt in my life. he asked me what was wrong. and i said "levi. can you keep a secret?" he said "of course i can" so i said "i kissed Tyler... and i cant tell anyone"
and he told me that its okay. that it happened and its over, and i need to not dewl on the past.

im surprised. i didnt think i felt bad.

after i finally stopped crying i threw his jackets off me and moved myself as far to the side as i could i threw up the contents of my stomach. good thing too. i ate a lot of fries.
then we walked to one of his friends house. turns out i know his mom. and his mom knows my grandma's best friend. this isnt going to stay quite. *sigh*



im feeling shitty. and sad.
i wish our kiss meant more to tyler. does he realize that i jeopardized EVERYTHING to kiss him? like literally, everything.
i was in the low 120's today.
it'll get better.
im not exercising today. i dont care.
i feel sick.
i drank quite a bit of wiskey and jack daniels.


i have some cheese and crackers. it feels nice on my tummy.
i had a bit of white chocolate too. which i dont usually like. it was nice though.


do you guys listen to Scary Kids Scaring kids? i think they broke up. but regardless, listen to them. i really really enjoy them. currently im listening to "holding on"

i love you guys.
sleep well.