it sure has been a while. sorry im lame.
i've had the worst headache today. it hurts so much. and i have so much home work. and i ate a lot. todays shitty. but i spent some nice flirtatious time with Ike. so thats always fun. ;)
i looked in the mirror like yesterday and honestly thought i was 135-137 pounds. i look huge. but i weighed today. and im 130.5 which is still big. but im so fucking glad im not as fat as i think i am.
i saw the thinnest girl today. not naturally thin. she was tall and beautiful. and dressed like me. i could be her. i really could. she was bony and tall. she was gorgeous. i want to be her. so bad. i didnt mean to creep but i stared. and just admired. and i thought "wow. you totally deserve that body. i bet you worked so fucking hard for that body"
and im lame. and chubby. and solid. and fat. and lardy. and gross.
start swimming soon in school. i cant seem to get this weight off though. i cant seem to stay on track. im going to look so shitty. like i will honestly embarrass myself if im not thinner by the time we swim. which is like next wednesday. fuckkkk fuck fuck.
also, im sorry i swear so much. haah.
i gotta work out or something. so i'll see yah ladies.
thank you madagin for always keeping me strong. :)
good luck with the start of swimming. remember, youre beautiful. (: <3
ReplyDeleteIt sucks that you are having a shitty week =( I know how horrible it is to feel not well and have loads to do and then on top of that you're feeling fat and worrying about your weight but just keep focusing on that girl because you can be as good as her and even if you don't feel like when you start swimming you will by the end of it because swimming is one of the best exercises you can do to lose weight. =)
ReplyDeleteStay Strong
Dotty
xx