"Ever since we met
I only shoot up with your perfume
It's the only thing
That makes me feel as good as you do
Ever since we met
I've got just one regret to live through
And that one regret is you"
radddd. the lyrics up there are from my favorite song off the new album. its called Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met...). its great. the whole album.
anyways. i've been doing well i think. i havent been exercising. i've been so busy. but ive been in control of my intake. so thats good. yesterday was 700 calories, and i havent totaled todays yet. so i was looking through my old food journal. and i couldnt remember why i stopped writing my intake in there, or when. and the last entry went like this:
anyways. i've been doing well i think. i havent been exercising. i've been so busy. but ive been in control of my intake. so thats good. yesterday was 700 calories, and i havent totaled todays yet. so i was looking through my old food journal. and i couldnt remember why i stopped writing my intake in there, or when. and the last entry went like this:
"Tuesday February 2nd
breakfast: none
lunch: hot cocoa, candy cane, frosting
dinner: frosting, cottage cheese, yogurt, lemonade
total: 775
118.5 pounds this morning. although i dont believe that.
tyler came over today"
i stopped counting after that day tyler came over and we made out and stuff. i found that odd.
thats when shit went down hill. after tyler. fuckfuckfuck.
so here i am. 130 pounds. still. fuck that! he fucked me over. this shit is lame. lalalalalamee.
but i feel thinner today. but i weighed at the end of the day before my shower. so i had all the days food in me. so i really really really hope im in the 120's. i cant deal with this not losing shit.
on a little side note here. im pretty sure i gave one of my friends an ed. and i know you're thinking "you cant GIVE some one an ed. they're born with it" or whatever. but im pretty sure i fucked this kid up good. im not sure how i feel about this. hes a good friend. he was a big guy. like 220. not like fat. but like solid. like it wasnt jiggly. you know? and now because of me hes like 196 and only eating like 300 calories a day. i didnt realize this was bad until he proudly said to his brother "i only ate 300 calories today!" and his brother flipped out and told him how unhealthy that is and how only anorexics eat that little a day. so i quickly changed the subject and later told him it was okay. hes doing good, and that he probably shouldnt tell his brother or anyone again....
i dont know what to say or do... i feel so bad.
breakfast: none
lunch: hot cocoa, candy cane, frosting
dinner: frosting, cottage cheese, yogurt, lemonade
total: 775
118.5 pounds this morning. although i dont believe that.
tyler came over today"
i stopped counting after that day tyler came over and we made out and stuff. i found that odd.
thats when shit went down hill. after tyler. fuckfuckfuck.
so here i am. 130 pounds. still. fuck that! he fucked me over. this shit is lame. lalalalalamee.
but i feel thinner today. but i weighed at the end of the day before my shower. so i had all the days food in me. so i really really really hope im in the 120's. i cant deal with this not losing shit.
on a little side note here. im pretty sure i gave one of my friends an ed. and i know you're thinking "you cant GIVE some one an ed. they're born with it" or whatever. but im pretty sure i fucked this kid up good. im not sure how i feel about this. hes a good friend. he was a big guy. like 220. not like fat. but like solid. like it wasnt jiggly. you know? and now because of me hes like 196 and only eating like 300 calories a day. i didnt realize this was bad until he proudly said to his brother "i only ate 300 calories today!" and his brother flipped out and told him how unhealthy that is and how only anorexics eat that little a day. so i quickly changed the subject and later told him it was okay. hes doing good, and that he probably shouldnt tell his brother or anyone again....
i dont know what to say or do... i feel so bad.
i believe you can change anyone. from ed to drugs to lifestyles and so on. I feel that I was a bad influence on 2 of my (ex) best friends (not ed but in other areas) and I just tell myself that they are their own person and I need to let go of the fact that it was my fault. We are all human.
ReplyDeleteYou just need to keep going, and try not to fall off the wagon. You'll do it, sweetie :). As for the boy, I think you should just say to him about eating more calories. If he wants to lose weight, try to help him do it the healthy way. You don't want anybody to go through what we have to face on a daily basis if there's a chance they could stop. Hope things go well, stay strong <3
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I think you should try and persuade him to eat a bit healthier. It's not your fault, he can make his own dessicions, but you may have influenced him a bit :/ try to talk to him about it and persuade him such a low intake is a bad idea?
ReplyDeleteStay strong,
Lottie x
We shall fast together! :)
ReplyDeleteTake it easy today and drink lotsa water!
As for your frinend, he must decide for himself what is right and what us wrong. People have a choice as to what they want to do with their lives. They make their own fate. Don't blame yourself!
Stay strong!
It's not your fault that he's heading into an ED, but you may have influenced him. But if you can influence him one way, you can influence him the other (:
ReplyDelete