dont think of this as rejection.

one hundred followers! hell to the yah. :)

today was nice. i didnt do bad. at least i dont feel like i did bad. but i again didnt count. damn!
i need to fucking count calories!

im going to a show tomorrow. to see some hardcore bands and such.
it'll be fun.
but tyler might be there.
...
that will just be awkward.
no. it will be fine. no reason for anything awkward. i wont even talk to him.
yeah. this will be good.

do you know what sucks? i honestly cannot tell if im fat or not. i mean i know 125 isnt "fat" and of course i want.. no. need to be thinner, but i looked at my stomach in the mirror today, and im huge. like i never under stood that whole people with eds see themselves as much bigger than they are...but fuckk... 125 isnt 122. but i cannot be as big as i see myself! how would that be possible? you know what i mean? it just sucks.

this is me from yesterday, im wearing pajama pants and yoga pants.. so i dont think my butts that big. or shaped like that in real life.




so this is me 125 pounds. i am bigger than i was. and i can tell. im sure you can tell. but im just saying. im knot like HUGE you know?
it'll get better.

my grandma promised this weekend we'll go and get a y card. and my friends are going to come with me. so i really think i'll go really often. :)
it'll be good for me.

i need some goddamn inspiration. im so lame.

i gotta go to bed.
the show tomorrow will burn calories, and theres no food sold there. so it'll be good.
have a good night. :)

i love you all.