so today looking back i didnt do well. but i ate NOTHING all day. i didnt want anything. so up until like 2 hours ago, i ate not a thing all day. but i felt soooo sick, i couldnt walk, i kept almost passing out. im not sure why. like, it hasnt been a fast or anything, and i ate some yesterday. but i puked once, involuntary.
maybe im sick. i did have a sore throat this morning.
any how, i got to like 700 calories tops today.
i could have done it, if my body didnt hate me so goddamn much.
what ever.
stupid body. i'll control you regardless of anything! ahha.
so i got a new swimsuit. its soooo cute. its black and yellow and like silver. its cool, trust me.
so i tried it on in the store, and i honestly was so close to bursting into tears. i thought i was getting better. i really really did. i thought i was getting thinner. i know im not thin now. but i started nearly 20 pounds heavier. (im 125 pounds today) so i thought, hey this is close to the 123 i want to be to try on a suit. so i figured i'd buy the one i wanted before it wasnt in the store anymore.
god. i want to be thin. i am honestly so flabby. i know that we all think we are, even if were only 105 or 110, but you guys are thin. you honestly are thin. weather your bony yet or not, doesnt matter. your getting there, your thin. im not. im 125 pounds. that isnt thin. and im so sad.
i think tomorrow will be good. since i bought the suit. and its laying on my bed room floor taunting me.
i thought i was getting better.
can some one please tell me that i've accomplished something?
have i accomplished anything? am i getting there? should i just quit?
i cant quit. i cant.
gahhhh.
im in not a happy place right now.
i'll talk to you tomorrow. hopefully i wont be more than 125 after that binge.
No comments:
Post a Comment