i dont want to

im so lazy. i havent exercised in 2 whole days. what ever i guess.
warped tour was so fucking awesome. just awesome. shit. got pictures and tons of signatures. so much fun!
i didnt have enough money to buy anything to eat. :P
bought too much band merch. :)
was awesome.

anyways. today is only day 2 of the ABC diet. yesterday was good. today i had one bowl of cereal. and then like 5 hours later had some cheetoes. so i dont even know. not more than 500, right?

we were going to get jimmy johns. so that would be like 350-400 calories. i know that would bring me over. so i dont know...


im going to try to do this. but i dont know. i dont like thinking im on a "diet". i dunno. but i saw on Kelly's Tri Thin blog, a losertown chart. so i went there. and if i cant do this ABC diet then i've decided i will exercise 3-5 days a week, and eat no more than 1,000 calories. :)

Day	Weight	Calories Used	Your Calorie Deficit
08/06/2010	123.37	2103.79	2102.79
08/13/2010	119.19	2074.37	2073.37
08/20/2010	115.07	2045.36	2044.36
08/27/2010	111	2016.75	2015.75
09/03/2010	107	1988.55	1987.55
09/10/2010	103.05	1960.74	1959.74

so i havent weighed my self in a long time. like 4 days. sooo, idk when i will. im scared.
and it has just been affirmed that we are going to jimmy johns. i am going to eat it. im so sorry girls. i dont feel too too bad though. because my thighs touch a lot less.


till tomorrow.

oh! and this is me and the lead singer of We The Kings!!! :D

it burns

one of the things that most upsets me about my body, is my arms.
i mean by now means are they nasty. but i hate them.
so i've been working really hard with weights to tone them up.
and i've already lost half an inch on them. so this is good.

i havent been eating very well. so tomorrow im going to try to follow the ABC diet. idk. even if i cant do it, at least it will get me back on track.

tomorrow im going to vans warped tour. and my limit for the day is 500 calories. hopefully all will go well. :)

im so effing tired.
maybe i'll have a salad and go to bed.

the worst i'll eat tonight will be subway. and since im a vegetarian the sub i get is only 430 calories. and thats for a foot long. which i usually dont finish.

hope you girls and doing well.
stay positive.
:D


my favorite thinspo is arms and collar bones.

so slow

my computer is so fucking slow. gahhh.
anyhow, i was 125 this morning. so idk.whatever, im trying not to stress too much.
ive been feeling really great lately. my jillian michael's dvds are awesome. honestly, you all should try them. i feel stronger, and within the like three days i've done them (56 minutes each) i've lost a whole inch off my thighs! as of right now, even if the space is teeny, my thighs do not touch! ahhh!
so i'm at about 600 calories right now. but i exercised so hard. so its minus the calories burned from that im down to like 300. anyways, we didnt get chinese yesterday. so thats good. i did have two bowls of cereal though.

i just had a huge bowl of soup. it was only 100 calories, but i did crush up tortilla chips and put them in it. so idk. im really full. gahhh.not icky or guilty full, just eah, full.

it hurts to blink. this morning i got woken up by my cat jumping on my face. it scared the shit outta me, and i like pushed her off, but she ended up scratching my eyelid. oucchhh. and its like ugly noticeable. haha.

so im having a girls night with my best friend. im bringing the movie the note book, it always makes me cry. i also promised her i'd bring chocolate chips and blueberries, so that we can make home made waffles. i dont feel like i'll snack too much tonight, im on better track now. but who knows.
well, im gonna go lay down, maybe take a nap. :)


stay strong ladies.
that last picture is one of my favorites.

hey beautiful!

so i now have 19 followers!
yay!!
thanks to all of you guys for the comments, and for reading what i have to say. :)

so today's intake was idk. not good. i didnt count. and i had 3 cookies today. so... not good.
but i did Jillian Michale's "Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism" and its so good! you burn any where from 400-500 calories! so im burning like 445 with every time i do it. :D and i totally love Jillian so it doesnt seem too bad to work out. :)
the thing says its a 40 minute work out. bullshit. with the warm up and the cool down its 56 minutes. i mean i dont mind, extra calories burned. but they cant call it a 40 minute work out if there's an extra 16 minutes.
anywho, today is the third day in a row of doing B.F.B.M. most people lose 5 pounds in the first week. that would be fantastic!!

so i measured myself today,
my hips are a little under 34 inches
my waist is a little over 26 inches
and my thighs are 21 inches around the biggest part.

by the time i go back to school i'd like to be more toned. i mean of course lower weight would be great, but my idk my weight seems to jump around soooo freaking much.

my family is getting chinese for dinner. i love rice. so idk how my life will go later.

till tomorrow.
:D

i just dont understand

i did good yesterday. and exercised hard. and i was 124.5.
but today. today im 128. i dont get it! (could it be cause im constipated? i hope so)

but seriously. today i had a bowl of cereal! no way i gained like 4 pounds from that!
goddammit.
i dont even know what to say.
why cant i stay low in pounds.
please someone explain to me why.

im so upset.

compare

im embarrassed, and proud of how far i've come.
so i though i'd show you my progress thus far.
the one on the left is recent, 127.5 pounds. the one on the right is 145 pounds. :/i understand how big i was.

the biggest change is in my tummy, and legs.







EDITTTT:
i just took a pic of me now. 124.5 pounds. i guess not too too much different. but im so excited. :D

and today i got Jillian Michaels "banish fat boost metabolism" and damn did that kick my ass. :)

a new day

so yesterday i did end up eating, probably like 800-900 calories. nothing too bad though. so i came home pretty late and just went to bed. this morning i slept till 12:30 in the afternoon. and i got up, went to the bathroom and then weighed my self. 124.5.
im so excited! :D

still havent eaten anything.
probably eventually will.
idk. its really early.
maybe i'll update you guys later.

thats all for now.

stay inspired.

im sore

my bones are sore today. all i want to do is sleep. and i did, until like 1 oclock pm. its almost 4 pm now and i havent eaten all day. i feel good. :)
not sure how much i weigh. i'll do it soon, or maybe tomorrow.
im going to this festival in town tonight. there will be food. but hopefully i can get out of eating.
not much went on today.
i could still use a nap though.

thats it really.
see yah guys tomorrow. :)

all in good fun.

Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||||||||||||| 70% Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 62% Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||||| 82% Antisocial |||||||||||||||| 66% Borderline |||||||||||||||||||| 82% Histrionic |||||||||| 34% Narcissistic |||||||||||| 46% Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 62% Dependent |||||||||||||||| 62% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||| 54%

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personality tests by similarminds.com

Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant,Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

food is dumb.

it really is. its been bothering me so much the way food controls my life. gahhh.

i did bad today. no binges, just tons of food.
had half a doughnut.
handful of cereal.
exercised.
2 baked potatoes. -threw up
some chips. -threw up
veggie patty.-threw up
small bowl of ice cream. -threw up
two veggie B.L.T's.
half a bag of popcorn.
crackers.

gahhhh.

i dont know. i have no excuses. and im 128 today. shit. i need to get it together.
buttttttt, i finally got my new computer! im on it now! yes! :D
so i can save some thinspo now!

i need some motivation to get back on track.
any suggestions?

im full

my stomach, is full, of food. wow. usually when im "full" its like a sickly full feeling after a binge. and then its guilty. but i did pretty well today, or at least i dont feel like i failed. and my family decided to go to jimmy johns. ive never been there before. so i decided to see what they had. ive been a vegetarian for 6 years, so i was trilled that they had an avacado and sprout sub. i got one, the small one, with no cheese. i also got a big pickle and a diet coke. and i ate it all. and i enjoyed every bite. which brings me to the title of this post. i am full. a wonderful not guilty full. i feel, normal actually. like there was never an issue with food.

well, i just thought id share my day. :)

today was very pleasnt.

see yah.

today

well, today was crap.
movie day with my guy. popcorn, chips, soda.
damn.
i dont think i'll weigh myself tomorrow though, i dont want to be disappointed.
i went swimming a lot today. but today wasnt a specific exercise day. sooo, thats about it.
i did get a tan though. :)

so my friends over.
tomorrow will be better.
i appreciate all of your comments! love you girls so much!
:D
till tomorrow.

EDIT: me today tanning (in undies. lol)


look at the cellulite on my inner thighs. icky.

POSTPOSTPOST

so its almost 2 am. and i cant sleep.
so i figured i'd kill some time here.
i have a BMI of 20.8, underweight is 18.5 right?
kay, so with my height i'd have to be 111 pounds to be underweight. :D
haha, sorry that excites me. so this means if i lose 14 pounds i'll be underweight.thats sorta a long way, but i started at 142 and now im 125, so i lost 17 pounds already, i can do it! eventually, that is.

i found a super awesome quote, that i wanted to share with you guys, but alas! i forgot. :P
so if i remember i'll be sure to let yah know.
now its gonna piss me off that i cant remember. haha. :)


is anyone a neat freak aside from me? actually im not a neat freak about anything, except organizing shit. i have so many notebooks. i actually have 3 ana notebooks, two of which are on me at all times in my bag.
:sorta random side note: i feel compelled to call it a "bag" since my boyfriend made fun of me for calling it a "purse". haha. how dumb.

so i asked yahoo answers, because you know how trustworthy that is, how much they think a girl should weigh to wear a bikini (because now im all stressing out about wearing my new one). and i came across this picture of a girl who was asking the same question as me. she posted a pic (which i'll share with you below) and that she's 14 and weighs 140 pounds. all the advice to her is like "yes you look great!", she is going to have a tough life if no one can be truthful to her. i dont think i ever looked this bad. at least i hope not. actually i have a "before" picture of me some where. i'll find it for another post some time. so below is that girl. you guys think shes too big for a bikini too, right?
anywho, i think im done here. im gonna go try to sleep. :)
good night you sexy mexies!

(haha. i called my boyfriend that once, and he was like, "annie... what is a 'mexy'?" he thought i was being rude or something)

ew ew ewwwww!

i tried so hard, i did! but i couldnt do it! ickyyy!
i tried so hard to do the salt water flush. but i could NOT stomach drinking all that water.
nastyyyyy!!! i got like a fourth through all the water and i just couldnt do it.
so now my stomach is full of salt water. so i'll probably be bloated tomorrow.
damn, i bet that shit works if you can drink all of it.
but ahhhhh, like a quart of water. nastyyyyyy.
haha, sorry for that rant, it was just so gross.


i did alright today food wise. probably close to 1,000 though.
idk.
but im still 125, so all is good. :)

has anyone else done the salt water flush? any advice? because i would LOVE to complete it!
haha.

thats about all i have to say. see yah guys tomorrow. :D

hey ladies

so hey guys.
i took some pictures of my new swimsuit. and i understand how bad they are. really, i get it.
i just need to see them, and be reminded what im working toward. looking good in that swimsuit. so here you go, a few pictures of my new suit. please, i know, i know how i look. i just need you all to realize how ashamed i am of my body.

newly found confidence

so today looking back i didnt do well. but i ate NOTHING all day. i didnt want anything. so up until like 2 hours ago, i ate not a thing all day. but i felt soooo sick, i couldnt walk, i kept almost passing out. im not sure why. like, it hasnt been a fast or anything, and i ate some yesterday. but i puked once, involuntary.
maybe im sick. i did have a sore throat this morning.
any how, i got to like 700 calories tops today.
i could have done it, if my body didnt hate me so goddamn much.
what ever.
stupid body. i'll control you regardless of anything! ahha.

so i got a new swimsuit. its soooo cute. its black and yellow and like silver. its cool, trust me.
so i tried it on in the store, and i honestly was so close to bursting into tears. i thought i was getting better. i really really did. i thought i was getting thinner. i know im not thin now. but i started nearly 20 pounds heavier. (im 125 pounds today) so i thought, hey this is close to the 123 i want to be to try on a suit. so i figured i'd buy the one i wanted before it wasnt in the store anymore.

god. i want to be thin. i am honestly so flabby. i know that we all think we are, even if were only 105 or 110, but you guys are thin. you honestly are thin. weather your bony yet or not, doesnt matter. your getting there, your thin. im not. im 125 pounds. that isnt thin. and im so sad.

i think tomorrow will be good. since i bought the suit. and its laying on my bed room floor taunting me.
i thought i was getting better.
can some one please tell me that i've accomplished something?
have i accomplished anything? am i getting there? should i just quit?
i cant quit. i cant.
gahhhh.

im in not a happy place right now.

i'll talk to you tomorrow. hopefully i wont be more than 125 after that binge.

tricks and liesss

so i did fantastic yesterday! i exercised for 45 minutes then went on an hour bike ride. all went well.
ah, but today. going to my chubby best friends house, what did i expect? well, i'll tell yah what happened. 2 slices of greesy cheeze pizza and one chocolate chip cookie. i cant believe how addicted to food i am. shit.

school starts september 2nd. and i must be at least 119 by then. super accomplishable if i stick to it. if i give up on food and just live to love feeling empty.

i got so diet pills, ive used em before, they really help suppress hunger. i only stopped taking them because i dont like the daily routine of having to take pills.

i suppose till tomorrow, or soonish.
stay lovely.

so guys

so i was going to start the baby food diet a while ago. i didnt though. im not sure why. pure lazyness i suppose. but im so sick of being fat. im 128. what the fuck. i totally got to 123. shitttt. so i can do this. and im serious. so if i mess everything up againnn then i'll have to face you guys and you'll know that im not worth anything.

speaking of, my boyfriend tried to tell me that the reason we're having a snag in our relationship is because of my low self esteem. well that sucks. but i know i'll always have self esteem issues. so i figure my life will be better if i get closer to 117lbs. lets do this!

haha.

see yah guys.

im no good

my life is no good. im no good. my weight is no good. im so disappointed. im 127 today. i cant believe i was 123 and i let it slide back up. almost 5 pounds. gahhhh.

i am hungry. and i missed this feeling. so i think i can do a fast tomorrow. its been a while. im outta practice. lol. but i can do it! and if for what ever reason i feel the urge to eat...

BABY FOOOOD! lol.

so thats just a quick update.
i cant wait to be thin.
ah, how happy i will be then.

ive been hearing a lot about babyfood

this babyfood diet. anyone else heard of it? i think im gonna try it. because actually i loveeeeeee baby food. im planning on eating three "meals" a day. three jars of babyfood a day at about 80 calories each. i'll have no more than 250 calories a day. and i got this wii game thats super fun and awsome exercise. :)

so im kicking my self in the ass for how bad ive been.

today i weighed my self lateish in the day (so i dunno how accurate this is) and it said 129.5

ohhhhh my goddd. i cannot be that close to 130. im so ashamed.

im going to try harder.

today is a new start!

so sorry!

im so sorry guys! i havent had a computer in sooooo long. so im on my sisters for a minute.

i have been trying to stay on track, but my ana texting buddy bailed on me. she said she wants to get better. that she doesnt want to be thin. thats okay. but its hard for me to stay motivated lately. espcially with no computer or thinspo or any blogs!

im 126.5 pounds today.
i cant believe im not 117.
i promised i'd be 117 by july 3rd.
:(
im a failure.

i'll get there though. even it takes longer than planned.

okay before she comes back i'll end this.

hope to get back soon!
thanks! stay thin.