it sure has been a while. sorry im lame.
i've had the worst headache today. it hurts so much. and i have so much home work. and i ate a lot. todays shitty. but i spent some nice flirtatious time with Ike. so thats always fun. ;)
i looked in the mirror like yesterday and honestly thought i was 135-137 pounds. i look huge. but i weighed today. and im 130.5 which is still big. but im so fucking glad im not as fat as i think i am.
i saw the thinnest girl today. not naturally thin. she was tall and beautiful. and dressed like me. i could be her. i really could. she was bony and tall. she was gorgeous. i want to be her. so bad. i didnt mean to creep but i stared. and just admired. and i thought "wow. you totally deserve that body. i bet you worked so fucking hard for that body"
and im lame. and chubby. and solid. and fat. and lardy. and gross.
start swimming soon in school. i cant seem to get this weight off though. i cant seem to stay on track. im going to look so shitty. like i will honestly embarrass myself if im not thinner by the time we swim. which is like next wednesday. fuckkkk fuck fuck.
also, im sorry i swear so much. haah.
i gotta work out or something. so i'll see yah ladies.
thank you madagin for always keeping me strong. :)
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Everything I promised, everyone I'd be, well I just ain't
i didnt eat anything all day, then i did. kinda a lot.
didnt eat anything till 87 calories of organic spinach around 6:30. then a bit ago i hung out with my sister and her boyfriend. yogurt with granola. legitimately like 300 calories. then some dry cereal, a sucker, and three ritz crackers. so not a total fail.
today i was 129 pounds. getting down there. :)
its wayyy harder the second time around.
which fucking sucks cause i've already been down this road, and its taking soooo long. fuck fuck.
so i got a hair cut the other day, and the lady fucked it up. so the next day i went and got it "fixed" so this is my hair now. one side is short as ever, then the other is very long. asymmetrical i suppose. :P
on another note i'd like to thank the two beautiful ladies who gave me this award. love you girls. :)
Izzy from Iz it okay? and ali joseph from Thinking Delicate.
i do not know how to link things. so whateves. teach me some time.
1. Thank the person who loved you enough to bestow this gift
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Bestow this honor onto 10 newly discovered or followed bloggers– in no particular order– who are fantastic in some way.
4. Drop by and let your ten new friends know you admire them.
well that took a while. haha. :)
you girls are all fantastic. much love to you. :)
didnt eat anything till 87 calories of organic spinach around 6:30. then a bit ago i hung out with my sister and her boyfriend. yogurt with granola. legitimately like 300 calories. then some dry cereal, a sucker, and three ritz crackers. so not a total fail.
today i was 129 pounds. getting down there. :)
its wayyy harder the second time around.
which fucking sucks cause i've already been down this road, and its taking soooo long. fuck fuck.
so i got a hair cut the other day, and the lady fucked it up. so the next day i went and got it "fixed" so this is my hair now. one side is short as ever, then the other is very long. asymmetrical i suppose. :P
on another note i'd like to thank the two beautiful ladies who gave me this award. love you girls. :)
Izzy from Iz it okay? and ali joseph from Thinking Delicate.
i do not know how to link things. so whateves. teach me some time.
1. Thank the person who loved you enough to bestow this gift2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Bestow this honor onto 10 newly discovered or followed bloggers– in no particular order– who are fantastic in some way.
4. Drop by and let your ten new friends know you admire them.
i already thanked you girls. :)
1. there is no one in this world who hates me more than i do
2. im very smart and take great pride in my schooling
3. i love my blogger friends more than my real life ones
4. i criticize every single person i come into contact with through out the course of a day
5. my father is gay, my mother got sent back to prison
6. i wish i had a therapist who didn't judge me and would just listen
7. i want to be so thin people worry
1. there is no one in this world who hates me more than i do
2. im very smart and take great pride in my schooling
3. i love my blogger friends more than my real life ones
4. i criticize every single person i come into contact with through out the course of a day
5. my father is gay, my mother got sent back to prison
6. i wish i had a therapist who didn't judge me and would just listen
7. i want to be so thin people worry
now to award my loves, i dont know how to link, so im sorry. no order.
1. mandagin from beautiful is...
2. Alex from Frail Wings of Vanity and Wax
3. lottie x from Dreaming Skinny
4. ell from A journey to bones
5. Olivia Lee from Count My Bones
6.Izzy from Iz it okay?
7. ali joseph from Thinking Delicate
8. Thin_Envy from Thin, Love & Other Sacrifices
9.BellaAna from Long Way to Skinny
10. Miss Alisha from We Move By Instinct Darling
1. mandagin from beautiful is...
2. Alex from Frail Wings of Vanity and Wax
3. lottie x from Dreaming Skinny
4. ell from A journey to bones
5. Olivia Lee from Count My Bones
6.Izzy from Iz it okay?
7. ali joseph from Thinking Delicate
8. Thin_Envy from Thin, Love & Other Sacrifices
9.BellaAna from Long Way to Skinny
10. Miss Alisha from We Move By Instinct Darling
well that took a while. haha. :)
you girls are all fantastic. much love to you. :)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Are you worth your weight in gold?
i heart Panic! At The Disco. please tell me you've heard their new album? it came out yesterday! its too great. i really like it a lot. all of the songs are like love stories. about someone not loving someone else. i like it.
"Ever since we met
I only shoot up with your perfume
It's the only thing
That makes me feel as good as you do
Ever since we met
I've got just one regret to live through
And that one regret is you"
"Ever since we met
I only shoot up with your perfume
It's the only thing
That makes me feel as good as you do
Ever since we met
I've got just one regret to live through
And that one regret is you"
radddd. the lyrics up there are from my favorite song off the new album. its called Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met...). its great. the whole album.
anyways. i've been doing well i think. i havent been exercising. i've been so busy. but ive been in control of my intake. so thats good. yesterday was 700 calories, and i havent totaled todays yet. so i was looking through my old food journal. and i couldnt remember why i stopped writing my intake in there, or when. and the last entry went like this:
anyways. i've been doing well i think. i havent been exercising. i've been so busy. but ive been in control of my intake. so thats good. yesterday was 700 calories, and i havent totaled todays yet. so i was looking through my old food journal. and i couldnt remember why i stopped writing my intake in there, or when. and the last entry went like this:
"Tuesday February 2nd
breakfast: none
lunch: hot cocoa, candy cane, frosting
dinner: frosting, cottage cheese, yogurt, lemonade
total: 775
118.5 pounds this morning. although i dont believe that.
tyler came over today"
i stopped counting after that day tyler came over and we made out and stuff. i found that odd.
thats when shit went down hill. after tyler. fuckfuckfuck.
so here i am. 130 pounds. still. fuck that! he fucked me over. this shit is lame. lalalalalamee.
but i feel thinner today. but i weighed at the end of the day before my shower. so i had all the days food in me. so i really really really hope im in the 120's. i cant deal with this not losing shit.
on a little side note here. im pretty sure i gave one of my friends an ed. and i know you're thinking "you cant GIVE some one an ed. they're born with it" or whatever. but im pretty sure i fucked this kid up good. im not sure how i feel about this. hes a good friend. he was a big guy. like 220. not like fat. but like solid. like it wasnt jiggly. you know? and now because of me hes like 196 and only eating like 300 calories a day. i didnt realize this was bad until he proudly said to his brother "i only ate 300 calories today!" and his brother flipped out and told him how unhealthy that is and how only anorexics eat that little a day. so i quickly changed the subject and later told him it was okay. hes doing good, and that he probably shouldnt tell his brother or anyone again....
i dont know what to say or do... i feel so bad.
breakfast: none
lunch: hot cocoa, candy cane, frosting
dinner: frosting, cottage cheese, yogurt, lemonade
total: 775
118.5 pounds this morning. although i dont believe that.
tyler came over today"
i stopped counting after that day tyler came over and we made out and stuff. i found that odd.
thats when shit went down hill. after tyler. fuckfuckfuck.
so here i am. 130 pounds. still. fuck that! he fucked me over. this shit is lame. lalalalalamee.
but i feel thinner today. but i weighed at the end of the day before my shower. so i had all the days food in me. so i really really really hope im in the 120's. i cant deal with this not losing shit.
on a little side note here. im pretty sure i gave one of my friends an ed. and i know you're thinking "you cant GIVE some one an ed. they're born with it" or whatever. but im pretty sure i fucked this kid up good. im not sure how i feel about this. hes a good friend. he was a big guy. like 220. not like fat. but like solid. like it wasnt jiggly. you know? and now because of me hes like 196 and only eating like 300 calories a day. i didnt realize this was bad until he proudly said to his brother "i only ate 300 calories today!" and his brother flipped out and told him how unhealthy that is and how only anorexics eat that little a day. so i quickly changed the subject and later told him it was okay. hes doing good, and that he probably shouldnt tell his brother or anyone again....
i dont know what to say or do... i feel so bad.
Monday, March 21, 2011
All our broken plans I will mend
today was less than perfect. way less than perfect.
i did fine. but then at the boyfriends house, beans and tortilla chips, with cheese. it was bad. i had like 3/4 a can of beans and a lot of chips. so honestly that in one sitting was probably like 700 calories. no joke. so that was bad. really bad. i didnt know it was so much till i ate it.
i didnt even eat a ton. it just was packed with calories. fuckkkk.
im having terrible uterus pain. lol.
like legit. im bloated as fuck. like if i saw me and i wasnt me id say i look like 140 pounds. its crazy. i didnt even drink any soda today. and i have this pain. not like cramps. like painnnnn. and it hurts. im not sure im going to exercise tonight. it hurts to move and stand up let alone walk, or exercise.
blah.
i have a head ache.
i had a dream i had sex with tyler.
it was radical.
did you guys know i've seen him naked? yeah. yeah i have.
and its hot.
yay naked skype.
ha.
well anyhow. hopefully tomorrow will be better.
i hope you're staying strong.
you deserve to be thin.
i did fine. but then at the boyfriends house, beans and tortilla chips, with cheese. it was bad. i had like 3/4 a can of beans and a lot of chips. so honestly that in one sitting was probably like 700 calories. no joke. so that was bad. really bad. i didnt know it was so much till i ate it.
i didnt even eat a ton. it just was packed with calories. fuckkkk.
im having terrible uterus pain. lol.
like legit. im bloated as fuck. like if i saw me and i wasnt me id say i look like 140 pounds. its crazy. i didnt even drink any soda today. and i have this pain. not like cramps. like painnnnn. and it hurts. im not sure im going to exercise tonight. it hurts to move and stand up let alone walk, or exercise.
blah.
i have a head ache.
i had a dream i had sex with tyler.
it was radical.
did you guys know i've seen him naked? yeah. yeah i have.
and its hot.
yay naked skype.
ha.
well anyhow. hopefully tomorrow will be better.
i hope you're staying strong.
you deserve to be thin.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
My bones are wrong sometimes, sometimes my bones are wrong
ahhh.
its been a while. hello 111 followers. that must be good luck, huh?
130 ish pounds. i havent really given an effort i can say honestly was my best.
went to a cain & abel show. i talked to tyler for the first time in a verrry longgg time.
during the show he honestly seemed to be favoring the side of the stage i was on. he kept getting mega close. and screaming real near me. he even was right in front of me, and he stepped on my toes. he never once made eye contact though. then after the show i said "hey. tyler" and he turned around and looked at me and i said "good show tonight. :)" and then he gave me the cutest smile i've ever seen and he said "thanks. :)" thats it. thats all we said. later i texted him asking an honest question. "what did your tattoos say again?" cause they're in a different language on each side of his ribs. he replied "Go with God" and "See God in me" then i was like "okay. :) i couldnt remember. thats really cool though. :D" and he was all "mhhhmmm. thanks!!"
i hope we can be friends. maybe were mending a friendship here. that'd be wonderful. his girlfriend was at the show. she wasnt up front like i was. she was sitting in the chairs in the back. and they didnt even seem like they were all lovey together. i dunno.
im fat. i got a new suit for lifeguard training which starts again in april. and i put it on, and it felt like it fit real well. but when i looked in the mirror i nearly cried. i have these newly obtained love handles and a belly. oh my god. so i kept the suit on, and i exercised wearing it seeing all the fat jiggle. ew. this week will be good. i need to be AT LEAST 124 for this suit to even look ALRIGHT so im aiming for 124.
i'd say since im around 130 i want 127 by wednesday, then 125 by friday. if i do awesome i can see that happening. and my period will be over soon, so this could work. 125 by friday. thats like five pounds give or take what i actually am today.
much love to you girls. i gotta go.
dude its raining so much its fucking crazy.
its been a while. hello 111 followers. that must be good luck, huh?
130 ish pounds. i havent really given an effort i can say honestly was my best.
went to a cain & abel show. i talked to tyler for the first time in a verrry longgg time.
during the show he honestly seemed to be favoring the side of the stage i was on. he kept getting mega close. and screaming real near me. he even was right in front of me, and he stepped on my toes. he never once made eye contact though. then after the show i said "hey. tyler" and he turned around and looked at me and i said "good show tonight. :)" and then he gave me the cutest smile i've ever seen and he said "thanks. :)" thats it. thats all we said. later i texted him asking an honest question. "what did your tattoos say again?" cause they're in a different language on each side of his ribs. he replied "Go with God" and "See God in me" then i was like "okay. :) i couldnt remember. thats really cool though. :D" and he was all "mhhhmmm. thanks!!"
i hope we can be friends. maybe were mending a friendship here. that'd be wonderful. his girlfriend was at the show. she wasnt up front like i was. she was sitting in the chairs in the back. and they didnt even seem like they were all lovey together. i dunno.
im fat. i got a new suit for lifeguard training which starts again in april. and i put it on, and it felt like it fit real well. but when i looked in the mirror i nearly cried. i have these newly obtained love handles and a belly. oh my god. so i kept the suit on, and i exercised wearing it seeing all the fat jiggle. ew. this week will be good. i need to be AT LEAST 124 for this suit to even look ALRIGHT so im aiming for 124.
i'd say since im around 130 i want 127 by wednesday, then 125 by friday. if i do awesome i can see that happening. and my period will be over soon, so this could work. 125 by friday. thats like five pounds give or take what i actually am today.
much love to you girls. i gotta go.
dude its raining so much its fucking crazy.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
work in progress
owow! 110 followers. you guys are too awesome. :)
things still arent great. but i can feel that im getting back on track.
my girl mandagin is doing so great, i am so jealous. shes too awesome.
and shes also skinny. damnnn. :)
i was at 131.5 yesterday. today i was 130.5. this is a lot. i know. and i can see it on my body. ugggghhh. but im one pound down. i can do this.
sorry this is taking so long. fuckkk.
i've been watching these guys on youtube a lot. they're funny, and i like watching all the shit they make. they're like professional chefs. lol. and i cannot believe they eat everything they make.
man. i so took being 122-124 pounds for granted. im so fattt nowww fuck fuck fuck. sorry. im so sad. ugh. i need to get my shit together.
my mom got out of prison today. shes gonna buy me a y card. im going to start running. it'll be good. i'll lose weight. i promise. i'll be outta the 130's soon. i guess my goal for the end of the month is 125.
things still arent great. but i can feel that im getting back on track.
my girl mandagin is doing so great, i am so jealous. shes too awesome.
and shes also skinny. damnnn. :)
i was at 131.5 yesterday. today i was 130.5. this is a lot. i know. and i can see it on my body. ugggghhh. but im one pound down. i can do this.
sorry this is taking so long. fuckkk.
i've been watching these guys on youtube a lot. they're funny, and i like watching all the shit they make. they're like professional chefs. lol. and i cannot believe they eat everything they make.
man. i so took being 122-124 pounds for granted. im so fattt nowww fuck fuck fuck. sorry. im so sad. ugh. i need to get my shit together.
my mom got out of prison today. shes gonna buy me a y card. im going to start running. it'll be good. i'll lose weight. i promise. i'll be outta the 130's soon. i guess my goal for the end of the month is 125.
"SO LET'S BEGIN!
I often wonder if I'll ever finish all I've started, and the answer I have found is NO.
No, I will never finish all that I have started because life is about doing, the process
And not the result. Life is about doing whether you want to or not.
MY LIFE!: A constant work in progress and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Take a look back. Is that what you wanted?
Chances are that it's not what was intended to be, because it's gonna be better than everything.
Everything, you will see, comes together in it's own ironic kind of way, so live in just today.
In my eyes I hold a vision in contradiction of what once existed."
I often wonder if I'll ever finish all I've started, and the answer I have found is NO.
No, I will never finish all that I have started because life is about doing, the process
And not the result. Life is about doing whether you want to or not.
MY LIFE!: A constant work in progress and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Take a look back. Is that what you wanted?
Chances are that it's not what was intended to be, because it's gonna be better than everything.
Everything, you will see, comes together in it's own ironic kind of way, so live in just today.
In my eyes I hold a vision in contradiction of what once existed."
Sunday, March 13, 2011
i've got it
im taking control. im not gonna tell you what i weigh. i dont wanna cry again.
i found my old food journal. i was eating 300 calories a day. eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner. so thats what im gonna do. im going to lose all this weight. i did it once. i can do it again.
107 followers. thats awesome. i love each and every one of you. :)
i wont let you down.
i found my old food journal. i was eating 300 calories a day. eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner. so thats what im gonna do. im going to lose all this weight. i did it once. i can do it again.
107 followers. thats awesome. i love each and every one of you. :)
i wont let you down.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
I bet my life that I am not alone
no school today.
128.5 pounds today. that is good. i was 130 last time i weighed.
i had some yogurt and half a banana for breakfast, then some chex mix.
so im probably around 300 calories.
i havent exercised yet. but i plan on it. :)
i didnt exercise yesterday, my body honestly hurt so bad i couldnt. it hurt from the past two days of exercise i did. and also my best friend slept over and we watched the move Love and Other Drugs. i highly suggest it to you guys it was so great. really, a wonderful movie. and jake gyllenhaal is a fucking babe. haha. he looks so good in this moive. anne hathaway is the greatest thinspo ever. shes naked a lot in this movie. haha.
i absolutely love this first picture.
owow! look at that last one! damn. hes sexy. haha. ;)
i told my best friend in great detail about tyler and how we smooched up a storm. it was hott. i gotta say that. now that im not bitter about him not wanting me, i can honestly say, dude it was awesomeeee. i've never felt so much passion in kisses. :)
hes way older than me. and i think that bothers him. but i've decided when i turn 18 (december 1st 2012) im gonna see if hes still into me. yepyep. he probably wont be. but then i feel like i'll get the truth outta him, cause then it wont be... well... illegal. lol. i still like him. i do. so im gonna use that as my motivation to be thin. lame i know. but hey, what ever works i suppose. cause he said he likes petite girls. so i can do that. i can do everything in my power to change me, so that if he ever decided to like me, i'd be perfect for him. yeah im lame. shut up. :P
i am so tired. i think i might cuddle up on the couch and watch tv. maybe fall asleep. that'd be great.
thats about it. maybe seeing Ike today. i dunno. i wanna cuddle with him. which always happens if were watching movies. so i texted him and asked him if he wants to watch a movie. but he didnt text me back yet. oh well.
Hope! i am not sure where i got the chinese fortune sticks from actually. lol. my grandma just has them in the house. :P sorry.
mandagin we have come so far thank you so much for always being there for me, and i really appreciate you letting me yap at you about tyler. :P you always have nice things to say, and you are just awesome. much love to you girl. :)
Olivia Lee you are so supportive. i love that you always comment. :)
talk to you beautiful people later. :)
128.5 pounds today. that is good. i was 130 last time i weighed.
i had some yogurt and half a banana for breakfast, then some chex mix.
so im probably around 300 calories.
i havent exercised yet. but i plan on it. :)
i didnt exercise yesterday, my body honestly hurt so bad i couldnt. it hurt from the past two days of exercise i did. and also my best friend slept over and we watched the move Love and Other Drugs. i highly suggest it to you guys it was so great. really, a wonderful movie. and jake gyllenhaal is a fucking babe. haha. he looks so good in this moive. anne hathaway is the greatest thinspo ever. shes naked a lot in this movie. haha.
i absolutely love this first picture.
owow! look at that last one! damn. hes sexy. haha. ;)i told my best friend in great detail about tyler and how we smooched up a storm. it was hott. i gotta say that. now that im not bitter about him not wanting me, i can honestly say, dude it was awesomeeee. i've never felt so much passion in kisses. :)
hes way older than me. and i think that bothers him. but i've decided when i turn 18 (december 1st 2012) im gonna see if hes still into me. yepyep. he probably wont be. but then i feel like i'll get the truth outta him, cause then it wont be... well... illegal. lol. i still like him. i do. so im gonna use that as my motivation to be thin. lame i know. but hey, what ever works i suppose. cause he said he likes petite girls. so i can do that. i can do everything in my power to change me, so that if he ever decided to like me, i'd be perfect for him. yeah im lame. shut up. :P
i am so tired. i think i might cuddle up on the couch and watch tv. maybe fall asleep. that'd be great.
thats about it. maybe seeing Ike today. i dunno. i wanna cuddle with him. which always happens if were watching movies. so i texted him and asked him if he wants to watch a movie. but he didnt text me back yet. oh well.
Hope! i am not sure where i got the chinese fortune sticks from actually. lol. my grandma just has them in the house. :P sorry.
mandagin we have come so far thank you so much for always being there for me, and i really appreciate you letting me yap at you about tyler. :P you always have nice things to say, and you are just awesome. much love to you girl. :)
Olivia Lee you are so supportive. i love that you always comment. :)
talk to you beautiful people later. :)
Monday, March 7, 2011
killing a mockingbird is a sin
my arms are killing me. just worked out. for the first time in a while. cause this week is a new start. im gonna get skinny. :)
i was 132 the other day. and today im 130. so this is a good start.
had half a banana for breakfast.
nothing for lunch.
diet hot cocoa (25 calories) with some light cool whip.
animal crackers.
cereal.
then dinner was:
subway.
more animal crackers.
chex mix.
sorbet.
but i purged it all.
so im not sure what im at.
and i just exercised. probably burned 200 max. but i am sore as fuck. so thats a good sign.
103 followers. thats crazy! :D
i never would have thought that many people would like hearing what i have to say. its nice. :)
so i was thinking, i know nothing will ever happen with me and Tyler, but i can fucking say i kissed him. rad as helllll. cause man. their band is gonna be famous.
http://dailydancesingmosh.blogspot.com/2011/02/cain-abel-local-production-worth.html
they are cain & abel.
this was my fortune today.
i have an ass load of home work. i gotta go.
i'll talk to you guys tomorrow. :)
i was 132 the other day. and today im 130. so this is a good start.
had half a banana for breakfast.
nothing for lunch.
diet hot cocoa (25 calories) with some light cool whip.
animal crackers.
cereal.
then dinner was:
subway.
more animal crackers.
chex mix.
sorbet.
but i purged it all.
so im not sure what im at.
and i just exercised. probably burned 200 max. but i am sore as fuck. so thats a good sign.
103 followers. thats crazy! :D
i never would have thought that many people would like hearing what i have to say. its nice. :)
so i was thinking, i know nothing will ever happen with me and Tyler, but i can fucking say i kissed him. rad as helllll. cause man. their band is gonna be famous.
http://dailydancesingmosh.blogspot.com/2011/02/cain-abel-local-production-worth.html
they are cain & abel.
this was my fortune today.
i have an ass load of home work. i gotta go.
i'll talk to you guys tomorrow. :)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
lame.
im lame. my life is lame. my body is lame. i suck. im fat.
fuck.
the show i went to the other night was awesome. i went to see Monsters and Kingmaker.
but i pretty much went for Kingmaker. i <3 Kingmaker.
Monsters: http://www.myspace.com/monsterswarfare
Kingmaker: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/kingmakeril
i've gained. no longer 125. i cant keep doing this.
tomorrows a new week. and i promise not to let you down.
fuck.
the show i went to the other night was awesome. i went to see Monsters and Kingmaker.
but i pretty much went for Kingmaker. i <3 Kingmaker.
Monsters: http://www.myspace.com/monsterswarfare
Kingmaker: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/kingmakeril
i've gained. no longer 125. i cant keep doing this.
tomorrows a new week. and i promise not to let you down.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
dont think of this as rejection.
one hundred followers! hell to the yah. :)
today was nice. i didnt do bad. at least i dont feel like i did bad. but i again didnt count. damn!
i need to fucking count calories!
im going to a show tomorrow. to see some hardcore bands and such.
it'll be fun.
but tyler might be there.
...
that will just be awkward.
no. it will be fine. no reason for anything awkward. i wont even talk to him.
yeah. this will be good.
do you know what sucks? i honestly cannot tell if im fat or not. i mean i know 125 isnt "fat" and of course i want.. no. need to be thinner, but i looked at my stomach in the mirror today, and im huge. like i never under stood that whole people with eds see themselves as much bigger than they are...but fuckk... 125 isnt 122. but i cannot be as big as i see myself! how would that be possible? you know what i mean? it just sucks.
this is me from yesterday, im wearing pajama pants and yoga pants.. so i dont think my butts that big. or shaped like that in real life.
so this is me 125 pounds. i am bigger than i was. and i can tell. im sure you can tell. but im just saying. im knot like HUGE you know?
it'll get better.
my grandma promised this weekend we'll go and get a y card. and my friends are going to come with me. so i really think i'll go really often. :)
it'll be good for me.
i need some goddamn inspiration. im so lame.
i gotta go to bed.
the show tomorrow will burn calories, and theres no food sold there. so it'll be good.
have a good night. :)
i love you all.
today was nice. i didnt do bad. at least i dont feel like i did bad. but i again didnt count. damn!
i need to fucking count calories!
im going to a show tomorrow. to see some hardcore bands and such.
it'll be fun.
but tyler might be there.
...
that will just be awkward.
no. it will be fine. no reason for anything awkward. i wont even talk to him.
yeah. this will be good.
do you know what sucks? i honestly cannot tell if im fat or not. i mean i know 125 isnt "fat" and of course i want.. no. need to be thinner, but i looked at my stomach in the mirror today, and im huge. like i never under stood that whole people with eds see themselves as much bigger than they are...but fuckk... 125 isnt 122. but i cannot be as big as i see myself! how would that be possible? you know what i mean? it just sucks.
this is me from yesterday, im wearing pajama pants and yoga pants.. so i dont think my butts that big. or shaped like that in real life.
so this is me 125 pounds. i am bigger than i was. and i can tell. im sure you can tell. but im just saying. im knot like HUGE you know?
it'll get better.
my grandma promised this weekend we'll go and get a y card. and my friends are going to come with me. so i really think i'll go really often. :)
it'll be good for me.
i need some goddamn inspiration. im so lame.
i gotta go to bed.
the show tomorrow will burn calories, and theres no food sold there. so it'll be good.
have a good night. :)
i love you all.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
When we hope, we usually hope for the wrong thing
"Change isn't easy... changing the way you live means changing what you believe about life. That's hard... When we make our own misery, we sometimes cling to it even when we want so bad to change because the misery is something we know. The misery is comfortable."
Dean Koontz
today was over 500. and my grandma wouldnt take me to get my y card. blah. but i spent some quality time with my best friend. which was nice. its been months. :)Dean Koontz
i was good till me and her made some soup and i had some tortilla chips.
then when i came home i had two bowls of cereal, a jello, and a piece of toast. so i really didnt do too bad. but the soup was like, really rich. so it had to have been a lot.
i dunno. i need to start counting. im gonna do some ab work in a little bit. other wise, nothing major today.
i've been sleeping like SHITTT. my cat is a dick. she is so annoying, and just wont let me sleep!
i havent weighed in a while. 125 i'd guess. cause i've just started getting back on track.
man i suck.
im going to see my mom tomorrow. which will be good. and this no junk food march is going to be great for me. and i will eventually get a y card. so 118 here i come! haha.
blah. bed time. night ladies.
ps i got some cool ass gloves yesterday.
they are robot hands and they say "MONSTER" on em. :)
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