tomorrow is a new week

im gonna start 246, or what ever. i hope at least. i always end up binging. gah.
i dont really have much to say. 126.5 pounds this morning.
i've been happy. :)
i got some gum today. Extra came out with a new line of gum. "dessert delights". how cool! lol. they taste like desserts. :P
if they make like a chocolate flavored one, it'll be the best day ever.
its nearly 10. im going to bed very soon.
night ladies.
hope your doing well.

once

i messed up once, and my brain said "dont worry about it annie. just go ahead and eat all you want today"
i dont even have anything to say. and i spent so much time binging that i barley had time to do my home work, let alone get in a decent exercise. i did exercise, but not for more than 10 minutes. if that.

i dunno.

be mean to me. tell me im a failure. cause i know i am. so just remind me.

thanks.

too heavy, it doesnt make sense

so i knew i wouldnt be 123 today, because of the why i was so light and how i wasnt about to take more lax. lol. its okay that you guys laugh. i laugh now. but then i just wanted to cry.
but im mad. i dont understand why the scale said so much today. i just figured it was because i ate a sorta big dinner at like 9:45 pm. i know, i ate way too much, way too late. but i think it just wasnt digested by this morning.
my stomach is looking more toned though. my boyfriend said i look great, and that he'd like to see me naked more. :P
that makes me feel really good. saying my tummy looks good is like the best compliment. haha.
so today i ate more than i should have. i went to my boys house and his mom made brownies. and she was joking about how she never sees me eat, and how i must be anorexic. so i ate some brownies. i also had some tater tots. lol. they were so goooood. hah. so idk. maybe im around 800 calories? lets see... yeah. i'd say 800 or 900 calories. i've been busy, and the past two days i've only had time for 15 minutes of ab work. so i guess its okay if i dont lose, as long as my stomach looks nice.

this is me from yesterday. its sorta a weird angle. like my hips are toward the camera. idk. haha. excuses i guess.
i still have a little pooch at the bottom of my tummy. but im more toned. i actually showed my boy this picture and asked him what he thought. he asked to see my stomach in real life, and he was like "wow. you really are getting thin"
:D
excitement! ahha.
so please. 125 pounds tomorrow. cross your fingers!

oh mondays

so. today. im embarrassed to say, but i feel i should tell you, i literally pooped my pants today. in school (sorry if this is too much information). i took some lax yesterday at like 1pm. and today in first hour ( about 8 oclock), i couldnt hold it. and i pooped my pants. no one knew. not like it was loud. so i went to the bathroom and... well, wiped up. and i threw away my undies. which totally solved the problem. but all dayyyyyyyyyy i had the runs. it wasnt very nice.
so i came home and went right into the shower. and as im standing there naked i thought i'd weigh myself, even though i ate breakfast and lunch today. so, the scale said 123.5. AHHHH!! thats so exciting! but i think its due to, i have no more poop in me.... lol.
but still.
i dont think i'll be 123.5 tomorrow. just cause today i was like EMPTY. but regardless, i think i've finally broken through my plateau of 127 pounds. KNOCK ON WOOD.
im expecting like 125 tomorrow. which is good.
i just ate some soup and gold fish. so i total im at like 350 calories.
and i finally bought my Halloween costume. i dont have it yet, since i bought it online. but i bought it. :D im very excited. i got a medium, even though i thought i could fit a small. we'll see how it fits when i get it. :)

well, thats all ladies. i think i may take a nap.
thanks for the comments. i love you!
:)

before bed

heres what i look like today before i climb into bed.
excuse my big butt. lol. i never realized i had a huge booty until pictures with this type of view. lol.

massive binge + tons of lax = 125 pounds?

dont you just love math?

so i binged so hard yesterday. it was nasty actually. i mean the food was fantastic. but there wasnt a time yesterday that i was hungry. i just ate all day that i was full all day.
and i took a butt load of lax. and today im 125 pounds.
but i havent done so well today. so i dont think i'll stay 125 for long. but i didnt exercise yesterday. cause my boy slept over. but i will tonight. so maybe i will stay 125, or lower.
:)

my dad was supposed to take me to lunch. it would have been nice to spend time with him. but. he bailed on me. cause of "car troubles". but later i called my sister and she said her and my dad are shopping. so much for car troubles. idk.

its only like 1:30pm here.
im watching the food network.

i had the nicest lunch today. it was japanese noodles, with japanese seasoning. it was so gooooood. and only 200 calories. for how rich it was im glad it wasnt higher. :)

i painted my nails, and took a shower.
im very happy today. :)

the jeans im wearing today though make me feel fat. i think i'll put an pajama pants. yeah. that sounds nice. i'll probably go to bed really early. i got a new mattress, and its so nice. i also got a new sheet set, and i washed all my blankets. i cannot wait to treat myself to a long sleep. :)

thats about it. thanks for your comments girlies.
also i have 47 followers. thanks to all of you who are new. and for those of you who have been following me for a while. :)
love you guys.

so heres a picture of me from the other day.
my hair looks shitty here. its really short, and i had it tucked behind my ears. its not this ugly in real life, trust me. :P

but im starting to see my bones. :) im excited.

frisbee golf!

if thats even how you spell frisbee. lol.
it was fun. my boy surprised me with a game of frisbee golf in the park. it was so nice!
me and him played on a team, and his two friends played on another team. the game was so close! lol. i mean i dont know the actual rules but we did it by how many throws it took. and be freaking tied! 18 holes with a total of 84 throws each. lol. so a rematch is in order. :)

today was nice.
i realized, its been a like a nearly 9 days since i last pooped. i think im just constipated as fuck. so, i got some lax today. to unbind me. so i'll do that this weekend.

i got some nice metabolism boosting green tea today. it came in bottles. so i got 2. they were only like a dollar something each. i also bought my boy a strawberry fanta and im gonna surprise him and give it to him tomorrow so he can have it at lunch or what ever. :)
i love buying him things.
i mean i dont have a job. or tons of money. but it makes me happy to buy him things.

oh anddddd it was recently his birthday, and he turned 18. today was the first time we had sex since he turned 18. lol. and it was great. :D
hes a really silly guy. hes hardly serious, unless its like a serious situation.
so when he was finishing he was like "yes! im 18!!" lmao.

i love him. :D

so any who i took some stuff to help me sleep and im like, nodding in an out.
so i should hit the hay.

i'll talk to you guys tomorrow.

oh! and thanks for all the nice comments. your thoughts and suggestions are always appreciated. :)
have a nice night.

cookie pizza

dude, cookie pizzas are awesome. they are like, HUGE cookies and you take slices out like pizza. lol.

so, today went well. i had baby food for lunch. :P
i totally love baby food. haha. i have always loved the fruit flavors. i heard theres a baby food diet. whats this all about?
i bet i could do it. lol.

so i ate around 800 calories.
i have a foods class at school, and we made these sort of pot pies. i ate some of the crust, good thing the filing was disgusting. haha.
then for lunch i had a jar of organic baby food apples, so 60 calories.
then when i got home my boy made me some oven baked french fries. i also ended up eating like 2 small brownies, and then i had a pretzel. the pretzel was like a normal hard pretzel, but it was big. so like 100 calories.

i only exercised for 200 calories. that typically all i ever do. is that okay?
i mean i know i dont exercise much. my boyfriend told me i've been looking more toned. :)
and hes surely doesnt lie to me. so thats exciting. :)
i would love to be able to lay naked in front of him, and let him kiss me from my head to my toes, and not feel disgusting. thats what im looking forward to most when im finally thin.

im STILL 126.5 pounds. what. the. fuck. i mean seriously. i havent been eating over 1000 calories, and i've been exercising off 200 calories everyday.

what should i do? really. i need some help.
i have a hard time eating less than 600. thats probably my first problem.
should i just try to burn more calories?
gah. im so lazy.

thats all i guess. its 9 pm here. i would love to get to sleep early.

school

after school today the boy talked me into eating a cup of soup (330 calories), and i had some cookie pizza. so im around 600 calories, and its 5 pm here. i dont feel so good. i think it was that cookie pizza. blah.
yesterday i was 126.5 after a binge and purge. so idk.
i didnt weigh today, i woke up too late.
im so scared. and i hate it. i used to not be scared of the scale, but now i am.
gah.

i have a diet coke. listening to Framing Hanley.
i think im going to my dads later. that'll be nice.
also i dont have a lot of home work. so i can go to bed early, hopefully.

thats all.
:)

homecoming

tonight was my homecoming dance with my boyfriend. today i didnt binge, i indulged. a binge is like for a few minutes. mine lasted all day, so it was indulgence. he spent the night yesterday and we made breakfest this morning, and then snacks and lunch, then he took me to dinner. :) so i dont care. i mean i totally do because honestly i can see my stomach has gotten bigger. but i dont, because i was happier tonight than i have been in a very long time. so its okay. :)

im wiped out. :P
we danced, and i dont know how to dance, and it was wonderful.

he turns 18 tomorrow, so im gonna call him at midnight to be the first to say happy birthday to him. :)

im gonna go sit around till then.

be happy. its alright. just for a few minutes here, be genuinely happy.

10/7/10

i know some of you live no where near me. so its october here and nearly winter. although we've had some warmer days. so if its october for you, is it warm? like, october here is associated with fall, and cold. is october summer for anyone?

just wondering how that works. lol.

so today didnt go so smoothly. probably 900-1000 calories. i only exercised off 200 calories, but i did go on a very hilly walk for about half an hour. so 600-800 calories today after exercise.

Monday: 800
Tuesday: ate 630, exercised for 300, so 330
Wednesday: ate 800, exercised for 200, so 600
Thursday: ate 900-1000, exercised for 200, so 600-800

is that okay? like, do you think i'd lose weight if i continue this? although i plan on doing 2-4-6 next week. so im sure that'll help. can i lose weight doing this?

tomorrow is friday. im excited. i will get so much sleep! haha.

i was looking at this girls pictures, and shes like womanly thin. i really like it. shes the blonde one.


and this next one is here with some friends. look at that fat girl on the end. ewwie.

if only

it would be great if i could just never eat again. but i dont have that much will power.
i feel grossly full. but i counted calories. after lunch today i was at 100 calories. then i came home and i ate some of that delicious jalapeno bread i told you guys about yesterday. so idk. lets call that 100. then i had some home made soup. also around 100. so im only at like 300. i dont know why i feel so grossly full like i just binged. its not a nice feeling.
im really sore today. i think i'll just do some yoga, to stretch out, and relax. i ate breakfast this morning. then realized i didnt weigh myself. so with the food in my belly i was 127. im so angry. i thought i'd be lower. i would LOVE to say its because i had food in my belly, but i dont want to trick myself. because if i havent been working hard enough i need to know. but still. i dont know if thats accurate.
this sunday is my Dominic's birthday. if you dont remember dom is my boyfriend, and hes turning 18 on sunday. our love will be ILLEGAL! :P haha. i think its funny.

he wouldnt say it, but he likes thin girls. all his previous girlfriends have been sooo thin. and when i was up in the 140's he called me overweight. which i know was true. but still.
so he likes thin girls is the point. and our 2 year anniversary was in July. part of my present to him was i would be 117 pounds. so i need to be 117 by christmas time. but any who, i would loveeeeee to be at least 123 by sunday. which i guess probably wont happen since thats four days away. but that would mean one pound a day to get to 123. what if i fasted for four days? (or attempted to fast) do you think i could lose four pounds? maybe! haha

so i think im gonna try to fast. or at least liquid fast cause im a baby.
haha

im watching Spongebob. i love this show so much. :)
im gonna go relax for a bit, then i'll exercise.

see yah ladies.

today was nice

so today. school went well. i took some tests, honors biology. i think i did really good, with the exception of a few questions.
in foods class we made the yummiest "champion chocolate chip bars". lol. i had to have one. so i did. but it was big. so maybe 300 calories.
i came home starving! so i made some soup. broth with some noodles and some carrots and bit of potato. around 120 calories. then i exercised hard core. lol. its been a while. and i almost threw up i worked so hard. thats like the first time thats happened. burned around 300 calories. went grocery shopping. got some great food. the worst i got was caramel apples. i couldnt help it! lol. so i got home and made a low cal sandwich. since im a vegetarian i have tofu bologna, its 20 calories a slice, and four slices are a serving. while i made my sandwich, i made one for my grandma with her normal bologna and normal bread. my sandwich was 130 calories, and hers was 430. fuck that! mine had no cheese, and tons of lettuce and tomatoes, it also had pickles. i loveee pickles. but i didnt put a smidge of mayo on it. i love mayonnaise.
not the best picture. but they look like the same. but mine was so low in calories.


oh also i got a loaf of fresh baked jalapeno bread. i had a slice.
and i had some musk melon for dessert.

i hope once i weigh in tomorrow i'll be around 125.
im happy. i've finally got it together. :)
i can finally be thin.
:D

dah dah daa

havent weighed today. but today was successful i'd say. i mean i ate 800 calories, so probably a failure to many of you who are awesome. haha. but, im getting back on track. :)
and this was after "candy day" at school, and a night with my boyfriend with dinner and snacks. im so tired i dont wanna do anything. i had plans. say hey here, exercise, homework, then bed. but i cant. im getting through the first one. saying hey. and im about to pass out. i think i'll just get up an extra 25 minutes earlier, and get an extra bit of exercise in then, and i'll do my homework in study hall tomorrow in school.

so i think i've convinced my friends im too poor to eat lunch. which isnt 100% true. i went a few days without anything at lunch, a soda or otherwise, and it was sort of said that i didnt have money to buy lunch. which was true then. so i guess people thinking im poor is okay if it means i dont have to eat lunch. haha.

im so tired. i was sitting and watching the food network. i love the food net work so much. :)
its fun to watch these people make yummy food then it, so i dont have to. haha.

i dont feel thinner. my stomach like, doesnt growl anymore. idk. i didnt eat all day until a few pretzles. before and even after those pretzles i wasnt even hungry. its been like this for a few days. which is annyoing because i miss being hungry. and my stomach doesnt say "Im full" it just doesnt growl. im annoyed.

me and the boy had sexual relations today. it was awesome. its been a long time. haha.

well, im pooped. so im gonna hit the hay.
heres to a new start.
wish me luck! :)

wow. hey girls.

its been forever, seriously. i've got excuses. but it doesnt matter.
im 127 pounds. i eat a little for breakfast little lunch, then binge when i get home. thats how its been for a while now.
thats it really. im such a loser. my life really consists of nothing but stress. thats it. nothing fun or anything. gah.


so home coming is next week end. so i got a purple dress. and im upset, because i look huge. i honestly do. i need to fucking lose this weight. i feel like im not allowed to say that since i havent been trying. but i do. i need to lose it. fuckkkk fuck fuck.

anywho, i was shopping and i saw this sign, its a new brand thats out.





i think i need to start trying again. avoiding food, instead of suggesting situations to eat it.
start exercising, and starving.
fuck.
127. i havent lost weight in MONTHS. this is stupid. im stupid.

ive got all this fat coating my bones. i look bigger than i have in a while.
i think im more than 127. fuck me. im so pissed.