if only

it would be great if i could just never eat again. but i dont have that much will power.
i feel grossly full. but i counted calories. after lunch today i was at 100 calories. then i came home and i ate some of that delicious jalapeno bread i told you guys about yesterday. so idk. lets call that 100. then i had some home made soup. also around 100. so im only at like 300. i dont know why i feel so grossly full like i just binged. its not a nice feeling.
im really sore today. i think i'll just do some yoga, to stretch out, and relax. i ate breakfast this morning. then realized i didnt weigh myself. so with the food in my belly i was 127. im so angry. i thought i'd be lower. i would LOVE to say its because i had food in my belly, but i dont want to trick myself. because if i havent been working hard enough i need to know. but still. i dont know if thats accurate.
this sunday is my Dominic's birthday. if you dont remember dom is my boyfriend, and hes turning 18 on sunday. our love will be ILLEGAL! :P haha. i think its funny.

he wouldnt say it, but he likes thin girls. all his previous girlfriends have been sooo thin. and when i was up in the 140's he called me overweight. which i know was true. but still.
so he likes thin girls is the point. and our 2 year anniversary was in July. part of my present to him was i would be 117 pounds. so i need to be 117 by christmas time. but any who, i would loveeeeee to be at least 123 by sunday. which i guess probably wont happen since thats four days away. but that would mean one pound a day to get to 123. what if i fasted for four days? (or attempted to fast) do you think i could lose four pounds? maybe! haha

so i think im gonna try to fast. or at least liquid fast cause im a baby.
haha

im watching Spongebob. i love this show so much. :)
im gonna go relax for a bit, then i'll exercise.

see yah ladies.