i went to take a shower and the scale said 125.5, so thats good i guess. but not at all good enough. i stood there, naked looking at the monstrosity that is my body, and just broke down. i seriously had like a hysterical sobbing panic attack. it was bad. i couldnt stop. so i called my boyfriend, lets call him D, and he knows im prone to panic attacks, so he helped calm me down. but before i stopped the hysteria i actually told him "i dont think there is anyone in the world who hates me more than i do". he didnt know what to say. but its true. i hate my self so much.
is there really any difference in my body since i was 140 to now? honestly i feel i look the same. and to top that off self esteem wise i am way more insecure now than i was.
god damn. just fuck my life.
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