127

so this morning i was 127. :)
so stuffs doing good even though i havent had time to exercise. so once i dont have a fuck ton of homework just think how much weight i can lose. :) im excited.
although my goal for this week was 125 by friday, which is tomorrow. so i dont think that happened cause i had about 1,000 calories today, but i did purge. so idk.

anywho i havent seen my boy in quite a few days and saturday hes sleeping over! it'll be fun. :)

i cleaned today. it was nice actually. i feel clean now that the stuff around me is clean.

doing good, knock on wood

so my binges have been bad. like i've said in my last post. buttt, i have been getting it under control. yesterday i had a little over 800 calories, and today i had about 665 calories. i know you girls said eat breakfast, but sometimes i dont. yesterday i did, and today i didnt. im getting things under control. im going to weigh in on friday. hopefully at least down to 127 or 126. that would be nice. i havent exercised, like at all. but i've been freakishly busy. so i figure get my eating, or lack of, under control, then exercise.
my measurements are embarrassingly big. if i eat less than 800 calories, how long do you suppose till im down to 125. last friday i was 129. and i havent been exercising. do you think by next monday?

today was just a binge

thats all. i've been loving my weekends way too much. mozzarella sticks, chips, popcorn, french fries. gah. but im only 129. i mean thats not good at all. but better than 132 i guess.

gah. i gotta get going on this. i need to lose weight. what should i do? should i start out high-ish on calories then work my way down? because i sometimes eat breakfast, i eat some lunch at school, then im so hungry when i get home i binge so hard. fuck. im so ashamed. i have honestly failed ana. fuck me. i have never seen 123 on the scale. and i havent seen 126 in months. wtf?

gahhhh stressss

shits so hard! im so busy! crap loads of home work, and studying and everything. i havent been getting enough sleep, so i dont have enough energy, so i have to eat. usually like 1,200-1,500 calories a day. so at any given time 130.5 is my tops weight. so i need to get things under control, and sleep more. and eat less. i want to fast tomorrow, but new people sit and eat lunch around me, and they'll question. so idk. i'll try. im going to say i "forgot" my lunch, and that im not hungry anyways. it should be okay. :)ahhh but shittt, i just remembered we have this town festival called
"the big pig gig" but shits so expensive. so i dont think i'd eat there.

i got this!
haha.
and tomorrow is friday. im going to do my hour and 15 minute yoga tape. i think it'll relax me a lot. well, off to finish my spanish home work. hopefully see you soon.
sorry for the infrequent updates, schools hard! lol

evening ladies

today was better. not quite intake wise. but it wasnt bad. :) i had a nice day. exercised early in the day, maybe i'll do some more in a bit. idk. i exercised yesterday too. getting back on track. :)
im getting sick again. im not very healthy.
i was 129 this morning. thats so good. considering everything.
i may go take a bath. that would be fantastic, but i often just want to cry when all im doing is sitting there in my fatty dirty bath water. im not sure what im gonna do.

im super tired. so thats all. im gonna go then. :) im back guys. :D

wow. its seriously been so long.

i havent weighed myself in ages. and im bigger. i really am. i can feel it coating my bones. i havent been able to control my eating. im so depressed. and all i want to do is eat and sleep.

school as been lonely as fuck. and it makes me want to try everyday. i have no one in any classes and my boyfriend doesnt have the lunch hour i have. so i dont bring a lunch, then i sit in the bathroom and try not to cry because im so lonely. my boys been ignoring me for the most part. hes busy with his friends. i mean he answers my calls and such, but he doesnt spend time with me.

im just so sad and fucking hate every inch of myself. my body. my personality. my face. everything.

im sorry its been so long, as i said all ive been doing is eating and sleeping. i honestly thought this year would be like last school year. classes with friends, lunch with my favorite person, my boyfriend, and weight loss. but im just so sad, i cant.

sorry i havent updated, i havent even read your blogs. but dont worry, i love you all. and i'll try to post more often.

how are you all?

school today

school went well i suppose. classes werent very long because it was sorta a half day. so tomorrow is a full day. i left all my shit at school. i put it all in my locker and didnt really think i'd need anything. but since i didnt do my summer reading i was supposed to bring my book home to finish it by friday. and i didnt. shittttt. so i went back to school to see if i could get in, but they wouldnt let me, cause kids are supposed to be gone by 3:20. wtf. so what? your there, just let me in.
fuckkkkk. so im stressing about that.

i had subway. i fucking love subway. :) 430 calories for a foot long sub. deliciousss. lol.

i think i might draw a picture.

i bought some shoes off line, and i got them today, but i guess they run small. cause every shoe i own is an 8. and the fit fine. but these are an 8. and dont fit. idk. i need to return them i suppose, but problem is... how the fuck do you return something when its from the internet! shittt. lol

anyone know?