i didnt weigh today like i planned, i woke up so late that i didnt have time to get practically naked and look at some numbers.
i'll do i tomorrow! haha.
i ate around 700-800 calories today. and burned 220. so not too shabby. in the 480-580 range.
idk.
im scared. i feel like i dont have an eating disorder. i think i just am drastically trying to lose weight in unhealthy ways... but then theres a little voice in side of my head that says "maybe thats the eating disorder talking. you do have one. you do."
i dont know.
and im scared that i do have an eating disorder, and that it will control my life, and i'll get thin, and then i'll be FORCED to gain weight once i get in the 110's. some one will notice. i have this stressing feeling that someone is watching me, noticing me. and they know that somethings up.
and scared that i'll be consumed by an eating disorder. and that i'll never be able to be happy. that i wont eat my wedding cake on my wedding day because of the calories in it.
i dont know. im just genuinely scared.
this is a picture after my shower last night. i know im getting thin, but if someone saw this, would they worry? probably not, its nothing drastic. just starting to see some ribs.
well, night i suppose ladies. sleep tight.
you're looking good girl! i feel exactly the same way about the eating disorder vs losing weight in drastic ways thing. i think the 'being happy' thing is a big part of it. i know that once i get to a certain weight or look a certain way i WILL be happy. even now there are ways i can dress myself where i think i look nice. although the process of this unhealthy weight loss IS consuming....i'm not sure. i guess we'll have to wait and see.
ReplyDeletexx