you cant buy happiness---steal it

oh lordy lordy. haha. i've been up to a lot of bullshit. been going to a lot of concerts. going to a lot of parties. meeting a lot of people. lifes been good. but at a party i went to, there was a hot tub. it looked lovely. so lovely. and the girl whos party it was had an extra bikini. we were all drunk, so it doesnt matter, right? well they were all in the hot tub, and i went to put the bikini on. i put it on. and saw my reflection in the mirror, and honestly tried so hard not to cry. its an atrocious sight. so i took off the suite and put my clothes back on. and watched all these guys and girls pile into the warm hot tub. i realize that i cant keep going on the way i am. i cant just accept my body. its gonna chance. regardless of how long it takes, i will get to my goal of 117 pounds, or lower. it will fucking happen. since dom left me i've had a lot of time. so now i will spend this time not eating, and i will exercise everyday. tomorrow im starting the cabbage soup diet. so im hoping to lose some weight. my computer has been fucking shit. and if i dont have my own laptop, i cant blog. but its fixed now. and im back. im gonna go catch up on your blogs. im sorry i was gone for how long i was. i really really hope you all can accept me back and support me. much love forever <3 annie