neglecting

so since my kidneys hurt i did nothing. but then my appetite came back and i still did nothing, nothing but eat. so im very upset. the scale is at 130 pounds. oh. my. fucking. god.
but im trying to take a breath. because i KNOW i will get it under control. but i have been really sick. and i just, needed to eat i guess. so i dont care, for the time being. im really hating my body. but i am still sick. so im sorta just, eah. trying to not flip out. i havent even been eating shit. ive just been eating. so i will get it under control. so it will be okay, right?
i just need to stop hurting to exercise and such.
is this understandable, or am i just being a fat cow?
honesty please.

i have 30 followers. :) love all you guys!

i had a very very rough night. me and my boy had a fight. like, not like yelling or i hate you, or i'll leave you. but he said, some... very very hurtful things to me. and i couldnt even retaliate. i couldnt. he gave me a panic attack. and i couldnt stop crying. i have bags under my eyes today. :/

i dont know. im fat, and im sad. what a bad time!